Title: Steve Allen dies
Comedian, thinker and $cientology critic Steve Allen has died at 78.
http://abcnews.go.com/sections/entertainment/DailyNews/allenobit001031.html
An Open Letter from Steve Allen to
Heber Jentzsch, President of Scientology,
Skeptic, June 1997.
"When I ran into you at an airport a few weeks ago there
was no opportunity to have a talk, but since I have about
49 seconds free between appointments at the office this
morning it occurs to me that you might be interested in
an idea that I have suggested to you and other
Scientologists before. When I spoke at a convention in
the East quite a few months ago, a convention at which a
dozen or so Scientologists were in attendance, I said
something to them along the following lines. 'If I may
make a suggestion to you folks, whatever your purely
religious views are, you're entitled to them and they are
more or less in the category of not anyone else's
business. 'But I also suggest that it is not because of
those views that your group doesn't have a very good
reputation. There are other churches that, in the opinion
of non-members, have some truly bizarre beliefs but no
one dislikes the individual members as a result of those
beliefs. 'The Mormons are a perfect example. No
non-Mormon on Earth accepts a word of Mormon
assertions about the experiences of Joseph Smith, visits
with angels, golden plates, etc. But despite that fact the
Mormons have a very good social reputation. A number
of my personal friends are Mormons and they are for the
most part lovely and socially decent people. 'But - again -
the same cannot be said of Scientologists. And if I were
you it would occur to me to wonder why. So, to save
you a little wondering time, I'll tell you why right now.
You have the reputation as just about the worst bullies
this side of the National Rifle Association. I've talked this
over with some of you and you've said that the terrible
harassments and crimes are a thing of the past, that
you've learned from your earlier mistakes, etc. That may
be true, and I certainly hope it is, not only for your sake
but for the sake of everyone concerned. But to be
honest, many people doubt that Scientology has
reformed itself in this particular regard." - Steve Allen,
Van Nuys, CA;
Comedy Central
- Where everybody knows you are insane.
Faith No More, (Rock Band):
"Please go to a CD by the rock band Faith No More (no kidding!) called (!)
Angel Dust. 1st track is called 'Land of Sunshine'. Read the lyrics, listen to
the vocalist's delivery (TR1) and go into paroxysms of laughter the first time
I cogged on what he's singing about!! There's also a great band picture taken
up the block from the HGB! How do I know? Don't take my word for it - buy the
disc and check it out. If you've been to the HGB you'll recognize the
background of the photograph. (Remember the fire drills? Bomb threats? Riot?
Earthquake?)" - ALCHEMIST15@prodigy.net.
Farmer, Philip Jose (Author):
"I believe [he] got briefly involved with Scientology auditing, which he
expressed as his alter-ego Peter Jairus Frigate in the RIVERWORLD book series.
I believe he said it was interesting at the time but generally worthless, and
when past lives came into the picture, he decided that it'd gone beyond
whatever good that it could have done him." - Phillip Zadarnowski.
Farrell, Mike (Actor):
"To this day, people who tangle with Scientology find themselves subject to
aggressive efforts at intimidation. Mike Farrell, who played B.J. on the
television series M*A*S*H, crossed paths with the church when he contacted the
Cult Awareness Network for information on a film project about child abuse.
After gaining great respect for their work, he attended a fund-raising event at
a private home in Beverly Hills, where he was confronted by angry picketers.
'There were people taking photographs, being very obvious, getting video
footage of the guests as they went in and out - obvious harassment,' he says.
Farrell says he asked one of the pickets if he was a Scientologist, and the man
said yes. In an effort to be fair, Farrell had lunch with Reverend Heber
Jentzsch, president of the Church of Scientology International, and
investigated Scientology's charges against CAN. The actor says he found them to
be based on 'sham, invective, and distortion.' Later, at a CAN convention near
the L.A. airport, Farrell encountered more angry Scientologists. 'Not only did
they picket, but they sort of get in your face and give you this loud and
incessant spiel that doesn't allow for dialogue - it's just a kind of attempt
to intimidate.' In the last few months Farrell has gotten numerous strange
phone calls, one telling him (falsely, as it turned out) that an old friend had
died. There have been so many that now when he gets calls after midnight at his
home, he answers, 'Hubbard was crazy.' Sometimes, he says, there's a long
silence before the caller hangs up." - Premiere, Sept. 1993, "Catch a rising
star".
Gaffney, Mo (Comedienne):
"The comedienne is a semi-regular character on the Brit comedy, 'Absolutely
Fabulous', and she plays a spaced-out California goofball who's into religious
experiences. In the 2-hour-long Ab Fab special, she was on the run from the
$cientologists. Her husband was still on the inside, trying to get close to
John Travolta, to propose a movie role to him. In a hilarious scene, she
interrupts a cheery conversation to quickly dial a phone number and whisper
into the receiver, 'The goose flies at night!' A minute later, her husband
calls, and talks about 'Having' and 'Being', and trying to get to Kirstie Alley
instead." - Mark Dallara.
Gardener, Martin (Author):
"Dianetics is a book of impressive thickness, written in a repetitious,
immature style. Hubbard claims he wrote it in three weeks. This is believable
because most of his writing is done at lightning speed. (For a while, he used a
special electric IBM typewriter with extra keys for common words like 'and,'
'the,' and 'but.' The paper was on a roll to avoid the interruption of changing
sheets.) Nothing in the book remotely resembles a scientific report." - Chapter
22 Dianetics from Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science by Martin Gardner;
Dover, New York: 1957.
Gibson, William (Author):
"Gibson wrote this in 'Count Zero': Marsha-momma'd get these two-hour fits of
religion sometimes, come into Bobby's room and sweep all his best garbage out
and gum some Godawful self-adhesive hologram up over his bed. Maybe Jesus,
maybe Hubbard, maybe Virgin Mary, it didn't much matter to her when the mood
was on her. It used to piss Bobby off real good, until one day he was big
enough to walk into the front room with a ballpeen hammer and cock it over the
Hitachi; you touch my stuff again and I'll kill your friends, Mom, all of 'em.
She never tried it again. But the stick-on holograms had actually had some
effect on Bobby, because religion was now something he felt he'd considered and
put aside. Basically, the way he figured it, there were just some people around
who needed that shit, and he guessed there always had been but he wasn't one of
them, so he didn't." - Frank Copeland.Groening, Matt (TV cartoon The Simpsons):
"[He's] a SubGenius. The Scientologists are learning, ever so slowly, that
fucking with the Church of the SubGenius is a *bad* idea." - David Gerard. See
Simpsons TV show entry.
Heinlein, Robert (Author):
"I knew Robert somewhat, we shared membership in a private 'club' and I did
once extricate him and his wife Ginny from a tricky overcrowded autograph
scene. Robert took Hubbard's claims at face value. He did not investigate them
as he assumed no one would be either so dishonorable to claim bogus war
injuries or that stupid either as, if a lie were suspected, the lie could
easily be detected from the records. Robert had a privately expressed view on
Mr. Hubbard's 'game'. It was not an expression of admiration. That will have to
suffice." - Gregg Hagglund.
Kennedy, John Jr. (Politician):
"I learned today that after George Magazine did its article on Germany and
Scientology, David Miscavige flew east and met with John Kennedy, Jr. After the
self-appointed cult leader left the meeting Kennedy thought and said: 'what a
nasty piece of work he is.'" - Graham Berry.
Kevany, Joe (Comedian):
Some L.A. schools were found to be using textbooks by Scientology founder L.
Ron Hubbard, says Joe Kevany. "The methods seem to be working. Several of the
students now want to start their own religions when they grow up." - LA Times
4.8.1997, Punch Lines.
Kilborn, Craig (TV personality):
"The Daily Show makes jokes on both sides of the topic, and has ragged on
Germany as much as it has ragged on Hubbard and celebrity $cientologists. One
show included a clip of Hubbard talking about insanity, and the caption was
'Look who's talking' (which is also a reference to the lame-ass films that
featured Travolta and Alley)." - Mark Dallara.
Letterman, David (Comedy talk show host):
"Oh, Martin, I saw the Letterman you refer to. Yes, Rupert Gee [the man on the
street] was walking around in front of a local clam shop (don't remember if it
was a Dianetics Centre or other org] in his baseball cap and mismatched
clothes, parroting Letterman's words in his earphone. He would say to
passersby, and bodies who were coming out of the shop, 'Hi. I'm L. Ron
Hubbard', with a big smile. The missionholders or whoever was in charge of the
place weren't amused. The one guy looked so shocked for a minute, I thought he
might have thought for a split second that Ron was back!" - Maggie Council. He
also took a stab at Tom Cruise for not winning the Oscar for 'Best
Scientologist' on one show.
Michener, James (Author):
"Scientology is frightening beyond imagination." - Playboy Interview, September
1981. http://www1.playboy.com/news/scientology/
Fox Millenium Skewers Scientology - Selfosophy segment
Millennium (TV show):
"Scientology Business Cult gets further exposed on Fox Network's 'Millennium.'
In last nights episode of 'Millennium,' two murderous Scientologists kill
people who expose the absurdity of their cult - or that's what the episode was
about, any way; Chris Carter and, no doubt, the Fox Network took pains to keep
the name 'Scientology,' L. Ron. Hubbard, and 'Dianetics' out of the program.
Charles Nelson Riley plays the part of 'Jose Chung' who knew the creator of a
mind-bending, money-greedy, unthinking, idiotic, criminal cult back when the
creator/leader of the cult was a fiction writer - and a very poor one. Jose
Chung is performing research for another book about the lunatic cults which
spring up around years which end with zeros (among Western Society, any way)
and is stalked by two Scientologists bent upon killing him for the articles he
had published in a skin magazine. Frank Black, the show's hero, gets involved
since the formation of and zealous extremes of religious and money cults fall
into the venue of the work the Millennium group involves themselves with. The
episode had analogs for a number of Scientology absurdities, carefully renamed
and altered so that the cult here in the read world could do nothing but bite
their lips and get further upset at what everyone knows was a truthful
depiction of Scientology. They had 'The Book' - only instead of a volcano, it
had the garish quality of the real Dianetics with lightening bolts. Instead of
an E-Meter, it had a galvametric measurement device which was used as a 'lie
detector' [the Onanogram] coupled to a tape recorder which would continue to
restate questions over and over until it decided an accurate answer was given.
The number of thinly-veiled analogs were too numerous to cover here as that
would take describing the entire episode. Of special humorous note was when
Frank Black's supervisor calls Frank aside and asks him why the Millennium
Group got involved. Frank mentions the name of the cult (the one the episode
used, not the word 'Scientology') and Frank's supervisor takes a step away and
say, 'Oh no, we can't do that.' Frank asks, 'Why? The Millennium Group never
walks away from everything, even Evil Incarnate.' Frank's supervisor says,
'Yeah but Evil Incarnate can't sue.'" - Fredric Rice.
Moore, Michael (Author):
"In Moore's excellent book, 'Downsize This!', he makes a reference while
talking about limo chauffeurs. He apologetically discusses his feelings of
creepiness when dealing with limo drivers, and proceeds to explain why he feels
this way, listing a string of odd, uncomfortable, or seedy experiences with
chauffeurs, including one who tried to get him into the Church of Scientology.
(IMHO, if Moore began browsing even a few online documents regarding
$cientology, he and his pal, Crackers the Corporate Crimefighting Chicken,
would be picketing along with the Evil Lord Xenu at the next Clearwater
event)." - Mark Dallara.
MST3K (Mystery Science Theatre 3000 TV show by Best Brains Inc.):
"Sunday Nights episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 had a hilarious scn
Reference... During one scene of Sunday nights show, the 'hero' of the movie
walks out of a bar and is jumped by a couple of thugs who proceed to beat him
up. The commentary, as he's attacked is, 'LET US INTRODUCE YOU TO
SCIENTOLOGY!'" - Mike The Flexing Rectum Rinder . "A picture of a Volcano
appears in the old movie being shown, one of the fellows says: 'Oh wow, man,
D-ann-ett-ics....' Next guy sez: 'See Page 57, how to get more money out of Tom
Cruise...' - Arnie Lerma.
Niven, Larry (Author):
"In their novel Inferno, a post-modern reworking of Dante, Larry Niven and
Jerry Pournelle find places for a number of science-fiction writers. Among the
Sowers of Discord, those who started their own religions, hero Allen Carpentier
finds a creature he describes as 'the last word in centaurs. At one end was
most of what I took for a trilobite. The head of the trilobite was a gristly
primitive fish. Its head was the torso of a bony fish...and so on up the line,
[...] finally a true man. None of the beasts had full hindquarters except the
trilobite; none had a head except the man. The whole thing crawled along on
flopping fish-torsos and forelegs and hands, a tremendous unmatched centipede.
The human face seemed quite mad.' A demon with a sword, before slicing this odd
being up into its evolutionary components, explains: 'He founded a religion
that masks as a form of lay psychiatry. Members try to recall previous lives in
their presumed animal ancestry. They also recall their own pastives... and that
adds an interesting blackmail angle, because those who hear confession are
often more dedicated than honorable.' (Those who'veead Dante's original are
hereby invited to express their own opinions on where PhatManToo actually
belongs. In my own In Nomine campaign,e's in the city of Hades, on the staff of
Asmodeus, Prince of the Game and head of Hell's secret police.)" - Austin
George Loomis.
O'Brien, Conan (Comedy talk show host):
C - I'd like to introduce a new character to the show. I've never met him but
he's sure to be a favorite of kids everywhere. Please welcome folks, our
cartoon friend, Johnson the Chicken!
J - Hi Conan. Yeah, I hope you're having a cluckarific day!
C - Hey there Johnson.
J - Every day can be a cluckarific day if you follow the path set down by my
hero, L. Ron Hubbard.
C - What?
J - L. Ron Hubbard, the visionary genius who wrote Dianetics.
C - Yeah, I know, the Scientology guy.
J - The CHURCH of Scientology Conan!
C - Look Johnson, let's change the subject all right? You're a cartoon happy
guy. Tell the kids just how are you?
J - Well, kids, I was depressed, ineffective at work and only using 20% of my
brain capacity. But then, I took a personality test in a storefront church and
read DIANETICS!
C - Look, don't you have a story for the kids? C'mon!
J - Can it be about - SCIENTOLOGY?
C - No! It can't be about Scientology! C'mon! Let's make this fun! C'mon!
J - (sigh) Oh, all right... once upon a time there was this little boy named...
John Travolta...
C - (interrupting) Ok, all right, forget it!
J - cluck cluck...
C - Look, that's fine. We're gonna take a little commercial break...
J - cluck cluck...
October 2 1996 Conan O'Brian sketch.
Petty, Dini (TV talk show host):
"Canadian content over the years has included actress Karen Black and talk-show
personality Dini Petty, who quit the organization in the mid-eighties,
concluding that it had become 'pretty much money-oriented,' she said in an
interview." - Web Not Helping Scientology: Cyberspace Exposure of Galactic
ruler counters group's bid to shed cult image, by Timothy Appleby and John
Saunders, The Globe And Mail, Jan 20, 1998.
Pitt, Brad (Actor):
"And he recently said privately that he works too hard for his money to let the
Church of Scientology have a large slice of - after agents, managers, lawyers,
etc. He probably realizes that it is the celeb money that is primarily funding
much of the current attack strategy and does not want to be subpoenaed to
testify next year." - Graham Berry.
Pournelle, Jerry (Author):
see Larry Niven.
Presley, Elvis (Singer):
"One day, in L.A., we got in the limousine and went down to the Scientology
center on Sunset, and Elvis went in and talked to them. We waited in the car,
but apparently they started doing all these charts and crap for him. Elvis came
out and said 'Fuck those people! There's no way I'll ever get involved with
that son-of-a-bitchin' group. All they want is my money.' Well, Peggy still
kept on about it, so Elvis didn't date her any more. And he stayed away from
Scientology like it was a cobra. He'd shit a brick to see how far Lisa Marie's
gotten into it." - Elvis Aaron Presley: Revelations From The Memphis Mafia by
Alanna Nash, with Billy Smith, Marty Lacker, and Lamar Fike (copyright 1995,
Harper Collins).
Robinson, Spider (Author):
"In his novel The Callahan Touch (specifically chapter 6, 'The Cluricaune'),
Spider Robinson has his narrator, folksinger-turned-barman Jake Stonebender,
narrate, 'I tried to clear my throat, but I didn't seem to have my E-meter. Get
thee behind me, Thetan!' (Get thee three feet back of my head, perhaps?)" -
Austin George Loomis.
Sagan, Carl (Author, Cosmos TV show host, scientist):
See comments about Scientology in various books.
What's up with Dianetics/Scientology?
12-May-1989
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Dear Cecil:
What's the poop on this Dianetics stuff? Is it a religion, a life-view, or
another P.T. Barnum scam? L. Ron Hubbard's ads make it sound like the best
thing for humanity since cable TV. However, all these years of reading your
column have made us skeptical. Is it worth wasting our time and money on
this stuff, or is it just more garbage from money-grubbing con
artists? --Rob and Junior, Los Angeles
Cecil replies:
Let's put it this way: Cecil wouldn't waste his time and money. But what the
hell, some people pay to get beaten with canes. Maybe you'd get a kick out
of Dianetics, more commonly known in its religious incarnation, Scientology.
The teachings of the late L. Ron Hubbard (he died in 1986) have been
described as "the poor man's psychoanalysis." There are those who believe
this means that if you're not poor when you start, you will be by the time
you're done. It takes thousands of dollars' worth of training sessions to
achieve "clear," the Scientological equivalent of enlightenment, and there
have been repeated claims that the whole thing is a just a hugely profitable
scam. Scam or not, it's definitely huge. At its peak the cult was reportedly
taking in $100 million a year, and in 1986 was said to have assets of $280
million.
The evidence suggests Hubbard was sincere in his beliefs, at least at the
outset. Originally a writer of hack science fiction, in 1950 he published
Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health. The book argued that the
brain was analogous to a computer with two independent memory banks, the
Analytical (conscious) Mind and the Reactive (subconscious) Mind. The latter
is full of "engrams" (traumatic memories), which interfere with the
operation of the Analytical Mind and cause personality problems and ailments
such as asthma and arthritis.
During "auditing" (therapy), the "pre-clear" (patient) can
"run" (relive)
and thus conquer the traumatic experiences. Once "clear," the patient would
have super powers: total recall, high IQ, perfect health, and for all I know
X-ray vision. Except for the inflated payoff, the parallels to Freudian
analysis are obvious, including the high hourly fees you later had to pay to
learn this stuff at Scientology centers.
Dianetics inspired a brief vogue for kitchen-table auditing. But the medical
establishment condemned it and many early enthusiasts became disillusioned
when they didn't get results. Undiscouraged, Hubbard repackaged Dianetics a
few years later as a religion called Scientology, throwing in some new
elements of Eastern mysticism. He now argued that we are all "thetans," or
immortal spirits. Through auditing we can explore previous lives (74
trillion years' worth), free our inner being, and gain control over the
material world. A key element in this is the "E-meter," a biofeedback device
consisting of a galvanometer, some wires, and two soup cans.
By establishing a religion Hubbard was able to set himself up as a font of
revelation rather than a scientist and thus control the movement. He also
hoped to deflect outside criticism and indeed might have succeeded in doing
so had it not been for his own implacable paranoia. He established thought
police, conducted purges, and declared his critics "fair game," who "may be
deprived of property or injured [or] tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed."
As a result of such threats, Scientology has been frequently investigated
and sometimes banned in different countries. The FDA even tried (in vain) to
ban the E-meter, claiming it was a quack medical device. Ron's attempts to
fight back made things worse. In 1979, for example, his wife and ten other
Scientologists were convicted of burglarizing and wiretapping government
offices.
Even Cecil has been the target of the Scientologists' wrath. Not long after
my column on Scientology was published in the newspapers, I got a call from
a radio show producer asking me to answer questions from listeners on the
air. This happens fairly often and I didn't give the timing much thought.
When the first called lambasted me for dissing L. Ron, I started to get
suspicious, and when every caller for the next half hour did the same I knew
I'd been set up. Not that they laid a finger on me argument-wise. But
swatting mosquitoes for 30 minutes isn't my idea of fun.
In 1984 several former Scientology officials claimed Hubbard told them to
divert $100 million of church funds into foreign bank accounts. The church
denied any wrongdoing, but you see the pattern. Whatever may be said for
Scientology as a philosophy (and there are those who say it has helped
them), its record as an organization is one of unmitigated sleaze. Get mixed
up with these people at your peril.
--CECIL ADAMS