INTRODUCTORY NOTE
I have decided to post to Google.com (as fully as possible) my experiences with Scientology here both to exercise my USA First Amendment rights to freedom of speech and to share with others what I went through and what I learned.

I have not posted this series (which I hope will be read by quite a few people) to create threads on a.r.s., as frankly comments and challenges will not change my past experiences or what I have learned with hindsight. Also, what some cult members will post under fake and anonymous nicknames to discredit my story will not affect its truth one iota.

This may also inspire others to post their stories more fully, which will help to give a broader view of the whole situation.

I do hope that the relating of what happened will be of use to others who don't have the hindsight or direct experience or the 24 year track record I had with Scientology from 1973 to 1997, when I left the cult and regained my freedom and self-determinism.

I want to do this in several parts, and to give my story and what I learned in hindsight for each section of the posting. It gives a good contrast and some interesting counterpoint to show the facade of Dianetics and Scientology from when it was happening and what I learned since I left. I may also add items. to the postings as I remember them so the full picture will be painted in the end.

I was a professional artist when I first heard about Dianetics and Scientology in Paris in 1973. I had a job giving English lessons to corporate executives and bankers. A doctor, friend of mine from University in Scotland, (where I got a Masters Degree in Economics and Social Sciences) sent me Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. I had been previously reading some books on spirituality, etc but read the Dianetics book as Mary (Rogers) had recommended it. I went to the Paris Dianetics-Scientology "church" in Rue De Londres after finishing the book to find out if I could get a few past nasty incidents run out of me to get rid of a stomach ulcer and to cure myself from being a "gay" person, so taboo at the time..

I was greeted by a staff member and given a "personality test" with 200 questions, and failed to get a high score. I was then "routed" (taken physically) to a "registrar, a Ms. Colette Byasson and we sat down for an interview. She went over the personality test results with me to show me how the low points must be "ruining" my life, and that Dianetics-Scientology were my only hope of ever remedying these flaws. I was also shown Hubbard's "The Bridge To Total Freedom" as a chart-diagram of steps to gigantic spiritual powers ( a state called "O.T." (Operating Thetan) which is supposed to be a spiritual being endowed with being permanently outside its body, lives forever, can do telekinesis, etc.) through Scientology and Dianetics. I was impressed.

We got into my "gay" aspects too and telling Ms. Byasson about it literally brought me to tears as I had not confided in anyone about that previously. I was 24 years old at the time and had not been able to tell anyone in my life about being gay till then. In England, where I grew up, being gay at that time was sufficient to create huge social and familial chaos if known, as it still is today in many areas of the world. This created a kind of "bond" with Colette, which remained even after she was expelled from Scientology in about 1980.

It also formed a bond between myself and Hubbard's "Tech" as I had been told, during a moment of real grief and emotion (while Colette was pointing out my "ruin" after the personality test) that it was my only hope for any kind of resolution. I did a "communications Course" with hours of supposedly (but practically impossible) unblinking staring at someone else's eyes, bull-baiting and fronting up to verbal abuse and harassments and then a lot of reading of lines from Alice In Wonderland to practice parts of a whole communication structure. I did that for a week or two and then was encouraged to do a "study technology" course with Hubbard texts on studying, words, clay modelling exercises and tapes of "technology" about studying.

Even though literate and well educated I had serious difficulty with the "checkouts" where, if I could not give an INSTANT CORRECT definition of any words selected at random by a supervisor I was "flunked" (given a fail grade) and made to re-study the text all over again till I could do it with all instant definitions perfectly. The first text "Keeping Scientology Working" which was pretty long, took me about 3 weeks to pass on the instant word or re-study checkouts! It contained technical jargon from Hubbard's later courses, so I was obliged to study a whole lot of other materials to see what they meant. They were not english words in any english dictionary. It did get easier as I went through more and more texts but it was a real nuisance to have to be that meticulous at such an introductory stage.

I learned from that course that I "MUST NOT go past a misunderstood word or symbol EVER" or I would have a probably fatal series of consequences i.e. I would "go blank" in my mind, I would separate myself from the study materials and from the group, I would then start to "commit destructive acts" on the area and group and then leave and give up my one hope of ever being a free being or of helping create a better planet Earth. I would also be lost in the oblivion of being a "Wog" (Hubbard term for any non-Scientologist) and remain utterly ineffective in all domains of Life forever. This is not an exaggeration. Such is still being taught in Scientology today.

I used my newfound "tech of study" to ask what the crosses were on the walls and around the necks of some black-garbed staff members. I was told it was because the French government was trying to shut down Scientology and that it had been decided for it to "be" a church to have more tangible protection both in France and abroad. There was no real atmosphere of a "church" there, however, in my observation. God was certainly nowhere to be seen, just lots of photos of Hubbard all over the place.

It was not a pleasant factor, too, that my course supervisor, Jean-Pierre Vogel, was often telling me he discovered he was a Nazi in his immediate past life! His nazi checkouts where he would flunk me about 1/100th of a second after asking the word definition and I hadn't yet spoken didn't go with any concept I had of a "religion".

IN HINDSIGHT I LEARNED AND SAW: (after 24 years of experience within Scientology and over 5 years out of it)

1.The religious aspect was really only for legal and financial reasons, and had no real factual basis in the studies I took there, which, in definitions of Scientology, specifically excluded "God" from Scientology as it was "outside" the domain of either Dianetics or Scientology. The Hubbard writings about anything at all, however insignificant, to do with "God" are few and very far between, even in their so-called "Ministers Course" (which I took).

2.The Communications Course was a part of a training system to be indoctrinated as an "auditor" (a Hubbard technical practitioner) and was designed to put me under the control of the organization right from the start.

3.The "ruin" aspect of the personality test and first registrar interview was designed to motivate me, by pain and unconsciousness (as my ruin was painful emotionally and from a source unknown to me)to remain in Scientology every time it may come up in the future because the pain would supposedly drive me back in if I had strayed. There was huge emphasis on the "only hope for me or Mankind" aspect (which is utterly fake and false) so I "knew" from what I was repeatedly told that if I failed in Scientology I was as good as dead forever. This IS what keeps intelligent people who are trusting in the cult for SOOOOO long. This, and the longing for huge but non-existent (but promised anyway) spiritual powers that are advertised but not delivered.

4.The Bridge to Total Freedom is not a Bridge (I walked all the way to the end by 1990) and I found it was a Pier to Total Flotsam, as people who get to the end and protest the fact that it goes nowhere pretty soon get thrown overboard and out of the group to re-integrate a society from which they are estranged by too closeted a cult-life. A bridge has 2 ends on different shores. There is no new shore at the end of the pier I walked across. It is a fake "Bridge".

5. Today, in 2003, there is yet to be an "O.T" with scientifically and/or publicly demonstrable "O.T.Powers" made or advertised to exist.

6.The technology of study seems to me more oriented towards cult-indoctrination than self-discerning free-thinking STUDY (i.e. Hubbard is never wrong; if you disagree with him on ANYTHING It is because you have gone past a word or symbol that you did not fully understand. Hubbard being wrong about ANYTHING is not a thought that a Scientologist can compute with in their indoctrinated mind.

7.Being gay was not ever my choice or intention but it is not something that Scientology will ever "handle" however much one spends (I spent close to a half million dollars in Scientology, and I still want my money back!). Scioentology considers being gay as an "aberration" that needs to be erased. However, they don't erase it and are in actual practice anti-gay (as I and others got sent to "ethics" correction for such behavior). They did, however, accept hundreds of thousands of "Gay dollars" from me in full for a service they never delivered in full.Being gay may be something we don't understand yet but it exists in millions of people and, even when humans who misapply their own religious beliefs and spit hate out at gays, God loves me just the way I am.

8. I have never known ANYONE to flawlessly pass the "personality test". So there is ALWAYS fodder to ask the testee for money to "handle".

That, alone, is worth more than all I ever got out of Scientology.

(The note at the end of the last section where I mentioned that something was worth more than all I ever got in Scientology referred to the fact that now I know God loves me just the way I am).

1973-1974.

I was studying Dianetics and Scientology in the Paris organization and,after finishing the study technology course, I started to be trained as an auditor so I could become a "Clear" (advertised as someone who has no more aberrations, has perfect recall, is healthy with no psycho-somatic problems. (mentally-related aberrations)and is far and away above a mere "human", according to Hubbard.

I paid for some "auditing" (read "pastoral counselling" to be part of the religious presentation of Hubbard's writings etc...) and ran out some past moments of pain and unconsciousness and even "contacted" what I thought was a past life of mine, as a Roman soldier. I got some relief from the stomach ulcer in one session too. It was a hard process to do, but I was determined to get to "Clear" and O.T because I wanted the advertised attributes and freedom from pains, limitations and somatic-aberrations.

I even audited staff members, and was fully in the swing of things, having believed the public relations and the staff encouragements with a trust that I had rarely given before. I was so trusting that I started to use the Hubbard business management books as part of my English lessons. That proved to be a vast mistake, as I was severely interrogated by a member of the cult's "Guardian's Office" (in charge of ensuring the continued existence of Scientology by any and all methods, legal or not) and was threatened, physically restrained in a small room in the attic and pressured till I agreed to stop using the books outside the organization. I had unintentionally tripped up on a strategic survival point that the Guardian's Office had implemented; namely Scientology was supposed to be a "religion" and there I was presenting its "business" aspect openly. It was a horrible experience as the person (Martine Pillet) was "O.T" and I assumed she had superhuman powers over me at the time, so I cried a lot then complied. The interrogation was very verbally brutal. I continued anyway, as I believed I had NO HOPE except in doing Scientology. So I had been shown, told and reminded of over and over.

I continued to pay for courses and buy Hubbard books and eventually the Paris Organization moved to the 5th district, not by O.T. telekinesis, but in moving vans. We were then in the Rue Saint Genevieve, on the left bank of the River Seine. An old but tall building with no elevators and attic auditing rooms, it was bigger than the Rue de Londres space. It also had a big cellar. There we could do further communications course exercises, such as shouting as loudly as we could at a glass ashtray on a chair (Training Routine 8)to get it to lift itself into the air. We were, however, allowed to use hands to lift it, but I was convinced that this must be part of a real trip to telekinesis in my O.T. future.

The Guardian's Office, full of hard-and-serious, non-smiling and sometimes uniformed (para-military) Scientology devotees was on the next-to-top floor. One day in 1974 one of these uniformed sailors of the "Sea Organization" actually asked to see me, and even smiled. To cut a long story short, I got recruited to be a staff member of the Paris Organization. I was told that I would be a very "elite" person bringing Mankind's ONLY HOPE to planet Earth (Hubbard's writings) and that I would be sent away to Hubbard's secret Ship to be trained to keep his technology pure in application there in Paris. I got rid of my apartment, stopped my career as an artist, put my stuff in storage and set off to Copenhagen, Denmark, where I would be briefed by senior Sea Organization officials and set-up for security clearance to go and be on Ron's ship the Apollo.

Well, while I was in Copenhagen I was told I had to do a whole lot more training to be even worthy of being anywhere near L.Ron Hubbard. I would get trained in Copenhagen then get sent off. The berthing was in the Via Kochsvej at the Sea Organization's staff house. It was anything but "elite". In our dorm, which measured about 12 feet by 12 feet there were 13 beds! I hated that, as I was accustomed to having my own space. There was only 1 bathroom for about 25 people. Mornings were hell. The food was pretty awful too. Greasy and crude, we got to often eat beans and rice if the week's production statistics were lower than the previous week's levels. Yuk. There were also some horrible incidents where Sea Organization newbies (had only just signed their BILLION YEAR CONTRACTS to serve L.Ron Hubbard (yes, a billion; that's not a typo) were verbally and physically abused in a highly degrading manner by the "Commanding Officer" Judy Speer. For the new recruits "compliance" was everything. I had not signed a Sea Org contract, just a 5 year staff "contract" in Paris.

After a few weeks of that I decided to move out to a hotel (cheap but clean) at my own expense. I actually had savings back then; something rare indeed among any Scientologists, as the cult normally swallows those up very fast. I continued my training in the Copenhagen organization, mostly with food and lodging at my own expense even though I was a "staff member". One time (1975) I was even called to duty as a staff member to go to Vienna Austria to help there as key staff members there had deserted the "church". Of course, I had to pay for it all room, food, travel, as no money was available for staff expenses...I was "doing my duty to humanity" and helping "Ron" to "Clear the Planet" (get rid of all humanity's aberrations). While in Vienna for about 6 weeks I did a good and conscientious job, and even worked with "missionaire" Guillaume Lesevre (who was a junior Sea Org member). He is now the Executive Director of Scientology world-wide.

Back in Copenhagen I continued to do more training and auditing of others,as well as auditing others. I even audited a "friendly" psychiatrist" from Germany (Hubbard HATED psychiatrists but needed P.R. allies). I met some people doing "O.T." levels and was suitably impressed with their P.R and smug but teasing total silence as to what the "Confidential O.T. materials" consisted of. It took 6 months till all was done to go the the Apollo. I had to pack and get ready to leave and was not told where I was going. I was given tickets to Florida and ended up at Daytona Beach! Instead of being on the Apollo with Ron I was the first external "student" in the Neptune Motel with no Ron but with all of the Apollo staff. I was bewildered but very impressed. Ron Hubbard was "in a secret location", having come ashore with all his crew in the USA and abandoned the Apollo just days before.

I found myself as a lowly Dianetics auditor in an internship with ONLY CLASS 12 AUDITORS (which were, and still are Hubbard's topmost auditors planet-wide). I had to do communications training exercises with them and I felt out-of-my-depth so much. It was intimidating but I could only do my best. I did, however, become good friends with many of the Class 12s for years afterwards. I was also put to room with a paying public client (Albert D.W) as he was suffering from total pessimism of ever getting results but paying vast amounts of money to get some. The Daytona organization known as Flag Land Base could not afford to lose such a wealthy and pliable client. He stayed.

We stayed in the Neptune Motel till the real new Flag Land Base in the old Jack Tar Hotel in Clearwater was made ready.

WHAT I SAW AND LEARNED AFTERWARDS:

1."Clear" is, in my experience and that of others I have spoken with, not what it was advertised or purported to be in the Dianetics book I read. No perfect recall, no absence of somatics, etc; just not what was promised.

2.The Guardian's Office, under Hubbard's wife, was a criminal organization and 11 executives were convicted of crimes and even Hubbard's wife did prison time. As a Scientologist I was kept uninformed as to the real extent and nature of all the G.O.s criminality. It was supposedly disbanded as a result of the trials but in actual fact, as I have observed, the current "Office Of Special Affairs" OSA still bears a hideous resemblence and even some staff from that time. The thing that changed was mostly the name not the behaviors.

3.The centre of the Scientology regime (with no Hubbard since the early 1980s) is the Sea Organization and the commitment is one billion years, so fanaticism runs very high. A lot of Sea Org members are very nice people who have been hoodwinked, lied-to and misinformed about so so many things to do with how things REALLY ARE in Scientology. They earn about $60 a week plus dorm and food. The Class 12 auditors earn about the same ; i.e. around about a dollar an hour cash, but their clients pay Scientology from $600 to about $800 an hour. They have no idea where all the rest of that money goes, about how it is channelled to groups of lawyers, secret bank accounts, paying to crush the livelihoods of management's perceived enemies (mostly, but not all, former members who either discovered the scam or those who will not knuckle under to the gold braid and bad tempers).

4. The shouting at glass ashtrays does not in fact produce any O.T telekinesis.

5. The way Sea Org members are treated is not much better than actual slavery, though the frequent briefings keep them in-line, contributing and producing despite the lack of valid exchange. They are convinced they are saving Mankind but in fact their efforts are used to make those at the top have vast funds available, privileges and operatives doing covert operations that the lower level Sea Org members would be shocked at if they knew. It is a kind of "duty-motivated slavery".

6.When I was told I was doing my duty, paying monies in large amounts and giving virtually free service to the cult to "help Mankind by helping Hubbard". I didn't know I was also inadvertantly helping the Guardian's Office commit crimes and ruin the lives of innocent people.

7. I was shocked to learn that the Scientology executives sentenced for crimes had done such extensive infiltration of the U.S. government.

PART 3 of M.P.E.S.

1975 and later.

The whole crew and the most recently arrived "public" (Hubbard term for clients of his organizations) all went by coach from Daytona Beach over to Clearwater late in 1975.

We arrived at the old Jack Tar Hotel on S.Ft Harrison Avenue and were assembled to be briefed on rooms, facilities etc. I the rooms. there were the normal beds, drapes, shag carpets,...but no TVs. Roaches were a huge problem, as was their sheer size...awful things. The hotel was clean-ish but was in relatively old condition. One day I heard a crash in my bathroom and the ceiling had fallen in and a nest of roaches with it...appalling. I survived the room, however, even with no bathroom ceiling. Rusty old pipes were a very common sight.

The place was, however, a far better size and layout than the Neptune Motel, which was small in comparison.

Right from the start we were briefed with great emphasis on the following:

1. Our group was NOT to be revealed as being Scientology to the locals!! No way!! (severe penalties implied for breaches of "cover").
2. We were told to pretend to be people of all denominations of churches who there for a congress and ongoing meetings. We were to be referred-to as "United Churches" and keep a low-profile, friendly, neighborly approach with locals. We knew we had to lie, but we had no choice as the instruction came from the Guardian's Office" and from Ron Hubbard, who was "in a secret location" locally. I did once see him drive by in a gold colored Cadillac but that was the only time I ever saw him.
3. We were to do our courses full-time and be totally dedicated to the job of getting done with our (vast) training programs. and get back to our organizations as soon as possible.
4. Sex of any kind was out of the question for anyone any time.

When the "cover" was blown by the local press and Mayor Cazares we got a note from Ron that said "look at these wogs; they get a person's "withhold (secret) off, and then kick him when he is down!" The "United Churches" game was up and Scientology's fake facade was revealed. We left it up the Guardian's Office to handle the resulting "flap" (chaos created by Scientology but blamed on wogs).

My training was intensive and we were all studying up on the 11th floor above the ballroom. I did my daily training routines with Quentin Hubbard, as were both British and got on very well. I would try to bullbait him in the required communication drills but it was difficult to make him crack up or laugh. He looked mostly depressed and "regrettably present". I used to ask him about Ron and being the son of the "Source" of Scientology but he was not very open about it and I got a very definite impression that he wished he wasn't. He seemed to take that aspect of his life as a liability as it gave him such a hard standard to measure up to. When he bullbaited me it was usually with airplane sounds! I did crack up sometimes as he was funny with the bi-plane impressions and pilot faces etc... We became very good friends in the time that followed. He also admired my artwork (I had some photos of it). I also became good friends with Arthur Hubbard, the artist, and we spoke on many occasions. I was intending to publish a book on art and include Hubbard's Art Series in it. I had a contract with L.Ron Hubbard (secured via a senior Exec Rick Merwin) and Arthur made a cartoon "Tone Scale" of emotions to be part of the book. Unfortunately, due to staff work schedules and lack of funds it never got published.

I became good friends with Diana Hubbard, and Suzette too. They all knew me on a close first name basis and were specially interested in me as an artist. I never met Mary Sue Hubbard, or ever saw her at the Flag Land Base in Clearwater. Ron was also never seen there.

One day we sensed an awful atmosphere, and there was a huge buzz of tension. We were taken individually to a closed personal briefing. I was told Quentin had "dropped his body" in unspecified circumstances and "did I need auditing to deal with the upset?" There was a message from Ron that "life goes on beyond death" and that Quentin had gone on, and we must get on with clearing the planet. I was emotionally upset as he was a close friend, but I "felt" somehow he was OK spiritually....It was a huge shock, however.

The last time I saw Quentin was in the "new" internship room on the ground floor by the pool. He was depressed and in despair. I tried to cheer him up but to no avail. It seemed he had been, once again, "busted" by his Dad down from a Class 12 audiitor to "retrain" from the bottom. All his hard-earned certificates had been cancelled and he was a "nobody" among the Sea Org crew of auditors. This had, apparently happened before. I think it drove him over the edge. He looked awful and crushed. I didn't see him again after that. It was, I believe, just a few weeks later that the news came that he was dead. Quentin was a very nice person, a sweet soul, with good intentions and a kind personality. I liked him a lot and missed his playfulness.

My own training went on, with some difficulty, as I felt out of my depth in the Class 12 internship with auditors who were leagues and parsecs ahead of me. It was also a "Sea Org" (forcefully dedicated military-navy-style focus, fear, steely-resolve and harsh verbal discipline atmosphere). Brian Livingston was the Supervisor, Jeff Walker the appallingly heavy-handed and anti-social Senior Cramming (corrections) Officer, Dennis Erlich was the junior Cramming Officer and was truly horrible. Anger and resentment was the underlying tone of the Flag internships. It didn't suit my personality at all. David Mayo was the senior Case Supervisor. Ray Mithoff was the Flag senior Case Supervisor. It was a close knit group of fanatical devotees tied together by frayed nerves.

David Miscavige was, when I saw him, a tiny and wiry "Commodore's Messenger" (Hubbard had made himself a Commodore of the Sea Org) who was officious and obnoxious like a mini tin-pot teen tyrant who had gotten out of hand and needed to be spanked by his Mom. He had the same grating-rasping voice as his Dad (Ron)and brother Ronny. It was used to violate the sensitive eardrums. of the "recipients" of his messages and his ire. He would stride in like he was a teenage "God Almighty" and cuss out Brian Livingston, many years his senior. It was "Command Intention" (Ron's intention) that his messengers were to be treated as if it was actually him (Ron) present, so the messengers (even the cute girly ones like Tonya Burden) could act like Hubbard and be as ornery as they liked without consequences. I was not in the Sea Org and found the brutality of verbal abuse, foul swearwords in over-abundance, in-your-face confrontationalism hard to see, hard to take. The Class 12s were, however, very kind to me and showed compassion. They were among the nicest people I ever met in Scientology. I still don't know how they survived the abuses they were subject to. It was shocking to see them cussed at loudly, pulled here and there like some naughty child yanked by an angry parent and humiliated in front of the group for the slightest session mistake. Some of them did, however, confide in me, and tell me their feelings, tears and all, in the rare social moments we had at a local cafe or shopping mall. I could see they were utterly dedicated to saving humanity and thoroughly believed that Scientology was mankind's only hope now or ever. I also came to believe that at the time. I was also subjected to tirades of hurricane force anger and typhoons of verbal abuse by Jeff Walker who scared me, and everyone else, to death. We were all EXPECTED to be FLAWLESS. However, we were human, and that led to frequent upsets, crises, collapses and struggles all round. I will pass, in this telling of my story, on the numerous upsets, panic attacks, challenges, crises, depressions, etc, etc, etc, I went through in my giving and taking of training and auditing at Flag Land Base. Too painful to go into, frankly. The only "comfort" was we "knew" we were saving the planet from utter ruin. We had to take the abuse, in our indoctrinated state of mind, to "get the job done for Ron", who was counting on us all.

One of the most shocking but frequent occurrences was a staff member suddenly being marched off by gestapo-like uniformed people and taken to the basement where they were forced to live in squalor and humiliation. They were not allowed to speak to any one who was not in the "Rehabilitation Project Force" (RPF), had to wear dark blue overalls, run EVERYWHERE, clean the grounds of the hotel for most of ther day, and study 5 hrs a day too. My former high-classed funfriend looked like broken white-faced ghouls, and I was not even supposed to say hi to them! That was truly a point of severe "disconnect" between me and the Sea Org at the time. They were literally outcasts and slaves, right in the U.S.A. Hidden but there, total slaves supposedly on a "Bridge to Total Freedom".

There were often "crises" the group had, all openly and fully blamed on the local mayor and Clearwtaer Sun newspaper. It was unsettling but we went on with our jobs regardless. I was having a hard time being flawless, (it was ruthlessly EXPECTED of me, with NO EXCUSES!) and my auditing was not perfect no matter how hard I tried. I think I was burned out trying to keep up with "Olympic" Class 12s whereas I was really a little league trainee. I got so utterly stressed-out I paid for auditing, used up my savings, paid monies into "Religious Research Foundation" (I was carefully informed in the registrars' office that R.R.F was to get money for "Ron's personal research use", and "we are arranging to give Ron the total of about $80 million cash he wants") and got auditing. I had some "wins" at certain moments but then would collapse back. I tried and tried but it was no use. By the end of 1976 I was stressed out and took a short vacation to New York (in Florida clothes in a New York winter,...ouch) and had a mildly gay old time, so to speak. I was When I got back I had to have a "security check" (Flag and Sea Org were, and still are, paranoid to a very high degree about security) and I was discovered to have had a "gayer" time than I was allowed, ...lol). I had to be "removed from training", sent home "to get my past-life drug abuse handled". I had never taken any drugs in my life except rare times of medication for illness, yet I was supposed to have vast amounts of unhandled drug abuse residues in my soul from former bodies I had lived in in past lives! I was very upset (as in STEAMINGLY FURIOUS), had to completely drop out of training, write silly advertisement-promotional letters all day every day for 3 months, help out here and there with chores to earn my food and lodging, and basically be a failure while Paris org earned enough cash (it took 4 months) to send me home.

During that time I also heard that none of the Class 12 auditors had ever gotten actual certificates for the levels they had attained, so I used my artistic-calligraphic skills to make over 200 certs for them in all. They were all sent up to Ron for signature and were delivered to the Class 12s, who were happy to get them. I even secretly made one "Hubbard Class XII Auditor" certificate for Quentin, just to have it actually BE, but didn't send it up for signature, then later quietly destroyed it. I felt he deserved more than even a little gesture like that, but that was all I could do.

By Spring 1977 I had enough of being an outcast and broke down in tears. Lisa Gerber (now Rentschler), one of the Class 12 auditors calmed me down in the garden and I felt a bit better. Soon afterwards I was sent home to Paris to take the post of "Keeper of the Tech" as i had done a considerable amount of training but not all I was originally programmed to do.

WHAT I SAW AND WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT THIS TIME LATER

1. Whatever the advertised "flawlessness" of Flag auditing may be advertised to be it is NOT NOT NOT flawless. It is delivered by human beings who are good, even great, but are not perfect. I have seen the frequent and gigantic imperfections of Flag auditing over many years and it is a regrettable but true fact that many costly and upsetting mistakes occur daily at Flag.

2. Quentin Hubbard died in mysterious circumstances which do not rule out murder, as far as I know. He was found near death in his car by Las Vegas airport (again with the planes!!) with the exhaust pipe connected in to the interior air supply. He, apparently, died in the hospital. Other sources are better qualified than me to give rulings on exactly what happened with all of that.

3. Hubbard was Commodore of his own "navy" but as his ship Apollo was sold in 1975-76 it was a dry-land navy. The Sea Organization was on land. All the Sea Org officers and crew, however, wore the uniforms, gold braid and trappings for official events every year. Hubbard was hidden from his navy and was in hiding from the law. While I was there at Flag the trial of the Scientology executives was taking place, all unknown to us. It was kept secret from us. We did not even hear about the sentencings.

4. David Miscavige was fully in "Ron's valence" (taking on someone else's personality and forgetting your own self) while being a Ron Hubbard messenger. I don't think he ever went back to being himself ever since. Poor little man.

5. I was appalled at the brutality of existence as a "Sea Org member" at Flag. I saw a heck of a lot, knew most of the senior people personally, observed the "bustings", the tirades of psychotic hate, the heartless smashing of devoted staff members into subjugated silent robots when Ron sent them to the hotel basement purgatory called the "R.P.F"., the forced submission of kind but un-flawless people, the hideously dirty and crowded berthing, the punishments of rice-and-beans diet for lowered production stats,...and Flag was NOT what it was advertised to be, either "The Friendliest Place in the Whole World" (excuse me while I run to throw up), or "The Mecca of Technical Pefection" (I saw virtually NOTHING "perfect" at Flag) at about $800 an hour for Flag auditing. The glossy facade hides a roaches nest of false promises, hidden costs, imperfect delivery, hidden distress, poverty of staff, public with vast upsets and broken dreams.

In 1977 I was sent back from Flag Land Base to Paris to start a 5 year contract. When I got back I was immediately informed that my post would NOT be the one I had trained for but that I would hold an entirely different one. I was put in charge of the "Qualifications Division" which deals with the correction of errors in "The Tech", staff training, Courseroom oversight, training of interns, public arbitration and other matters. I didn't want that job but there was no choice offered.

I worked 7 days a week, from 9 a.m. to about midnight with 1 hour for lunch and one hour for dinner. I lived in the proverbial French "garret", a 10ft by 6ft attic with a sloping roof under the eaves of a local apartment building (5th floor with no elevator). My bed was a top bunk and my work space was underneath. It was amazingly small. I actually painted in there too, but if I wanted to go to the restroom I had to take away the easel to get out of the door. A day off was more than rare. I think I got 2 or 3 days off in a year, and often when I was "off" at other times a staff member would come to get me (no phone) as I was "needed". I had about 7 staff members in my division, including both A.F. and S. Rosenberg, a couple that would later set-up the Paris "Celebrity Centre" Scientology organization.

So, there I was, an "executive" of a Scientology organization. I did many more functions than other staff members as I was "trained" and they weren't. The occasional revenues from selling a painting (done in rare free moments or a lunch break) supplemented my income, which averaged about 140ff a week (about $35 in 1977-78, which would be about $60 now) helped me to have rent and food, and I also often had to pay for paper and office supplies for my work as none was forthcoming in the weekly "financial planning". A lot of money was sent "up-lines" every week to Scientology management and book publishing organizations who sent us Hubbard books to sell. Whatever was left was distributed by allocation to the departments, and what was left over from that went to "pay" staff. Sometimes we got almost nothing for a week's work. Management was, however, always paid first as "top priority".

I worked hard, got the best results I could, and felt like I was "helping mankind" by my efforts. I was one of the most highly trained staff members so I was always being asked to do things, night and day. I did anything from correcting staff auditors, keeping the library, giving tech references (there was no tech dictionary or index at the time), doing session exams. to see if the session was ok or not, marriage counselling, dispute handling and other things too. I even made the space nice, at my expense, with a little miniature garden on my desk. I was working more than full time for almost NO pay.

I also had to occasionally help out the Guardian's Office with preparations for the criminal trial against L.Ron Hubbard in France. However, in the end he was convicted, in absentia. The name of the Scientology organization was changed to "Church of the New Faith" (Eglise de La Nouvelle Foi) and we went on, as before, applying Hubbard tech and trying to expand the organization. In a time of crisis the "Guardian World-Wide" Jane Kember came over as things had gone bad legally, and I found myself being "grilled" by 3 people, including her to see if I were a "security threat" or not. My being gay was considered a risk factor for some reason, even though I was not actively doing anything on that front. I was kept on post and told to protect the "church" by abstinence at all times from any gay encounters. Months later I spoke to a guy in the street who I was attracted to (but nothing more happened with him). I told my auditor (J.L. Canolle what happened in a confidential auditing session. After that session my folder went to the Case Supervisor. I was then asked to come to see my auditor again. I sat down, he closed the door and told me we had a special interview, which was not confidential, and that I must tell him, all over again, what happened with my 10 second "almost gay but non-existent" encounter in a Paris street, but that this time it was needed for "security purposes". I was furious as that was a violation of my confidentiality, but like a good and loyal staff member I related the incident again. The folder went back to the Case supervisor (J.M. Wargniez).

The next morning I was hauled into the "Ethics Office" and was handed a publication which said that I was "of bad moral character" (gay, and at risk of getting "gayer") and that my certificates were all suspended forthwith. I was more than merely upset of angry. I simply ceased to cooperate. I understood that without any certificates in force I could no longer operate an "E-meter" to do my job (an e-meter is a Scientology-Dianetics electronic device that (possibly) measures changes in electrical resistance in the human body, but it is also affected by movements of the body, mental attitude and sweat on the hands that hold thier electrodes).So I ceased to do my job due to the sanctions against me. I decided to leave staff shortly thereafter as I was not getting anywhere on my supposed "Bridge To Total Freedom" and was clearly not "Clear" yet.

When I left (1978)I was given a bill for somewhere about $12,000.00 for the "Flag training" I had had while in Florida. It is known as a "freeloader" bill. If you fail to complete your staff contract you were, by Hubbard policy, liable for all courses you got "free" while on staff. Until it was paid in full I could not contact any of my Scientology friends. I was annoyed at the bill, specially seeing the enormous job I had done for a few dollars/francs. I was, however, utterly RELIEVED to no longer be a staff member, and I remember sighing with relief for 2 or 3 days, quite consciously. I took up my painting again and doubled my space by moving into a second attic next door to mine to use as a studio. It was the stereotype 10ft x 8ft artist's studio with the tiny window with a slanting roof overlooking the rooftops of Paris' left bank. I was free of staff workload but had to pay the bill to the "church".

I painted, re-invested my money in more materials, made a slide-show as a promotional event attraction and worked very very hard. I travelled a lot and sold whatever I could. After a few months I paid off the bill to Scientology and set about "going Clear". I bought auditing at the Paris Org, painted, sold paintings, paid Scientology as a repetitive process through the rest of 1978 and 1979. I finally got to "Clear" in 1979 but not without huge effort and a lot of money.

One horrible chapter of this was the launching of the "Purification Rundown". Hubbard said that if we wanted to live through the impending World War III, with its radiation and nuclear holocaust we must eliminate radiation from the cells of our bodies by taking large amounts of vitamins, niacin and oil while spending 5hrs a day in a dry sauna. Vitamins were prescribed by a church official (not a doctor) Albert Benhraim. I had to take 10 grams!(40 x 250mg of vitamin B1 a day, 3 to about 10 grams! of Niacin, vast amounts of multi-B vitamins, vitamins C, D, E and a half cup of cold cooking oil (yuk), as well as a quantity of "cal-mag with vinegar", made by mixing calcium carbonate with some magnesium and vinegar in boiling water and drinking it (ugh) when it cooled down. I had to do this for 3 weeks, thought the doses of B1 were less after 3 or 4 days, and I had a horrible time. The 5hrs of sauna per day were bad enough but the intake of vitamin doses was sickening. I threw up on several occasions, and was even paralyzed for hours in the sauna near the end. It was truly awful but it felt better when I was "done". I felt great when I was off the "rundown" at the end. It had indeed "run me down". My skin was clean and I no longer had to eat nauseous food and vitamins. I was ready to "survive World War III.

I was not disappointed that WW III never occurred but I was when the Hubbard reference to it was quietly removed form the Purification Rundown. Hubbard could NOT have been wrong, according to my brainwashed state. He was the creative-originating "God" of PERFECT Tech, the selfless tireless researcher for the good of all, the new Savior of Mankind, the only real hope for mankind, the flawless genius, the charismatic benefactor of millions, the nuclear scientist-engineer-war hero-family man, the authentic integrity-idol of all Sea Org members, the ideal role model for a new civilization and my hero.

WHAT I SAW LATER, WHAT I LEARNED: (NOTE: I LATER FOUND (1997 ONWARDS) FROM INTERNET AND BOOK DATA VERIFIED BY PUBLIC RECORDS THAT,FOR ME AND FOR MANY, ALL OF THE ABOVE ABOUT "RON" WAS FAKE OR INVENTED "FACTS", FALSE "PUBLIC RELATIONS AND BLATANT LIES).

It is shocking but fascinating to read the differences between what was claimed about L. Ron Hubbard and the realities that differed from that so widely.

1. The Purification Rundown, still being delivered today, still uses long hours of sauna, vitamin doses and oil, cal-mag etc. Many have had serious negative consequences. I was lucky to have even survived the doses I was given.

2. Org money went to management and to Hubbard book payments as a priority and staff is no picnic as it only receives the crumbs left after all organizational needs are somewhat met.

3. Being gay, even when only in thought, is incompatible with being on staff, and also with being a Scientologist at all. Hubbard said people who are gay, along with others he hated, are dangerous to society; yet he took my dollars over and over, and over again. So did his bigoted minions.

4. Being on staff is a form of duty-motivated slavery.

After attesting to "Clear" in 1979 I was intent on getting along further towards the amazing abilities advertised on the "Grade Chart" and sold to everyone paying for the "O.T. Levels. I was specially interested in the O.T. 3 .."Freedom from Overwhelm", and the O.T. 8 ability promised; "A being at Cause over matter, energy, space and time, both subjective and objective". I remember it well. That was the one that really interested me.

I stayed living in Paris, but moved to a new apartment where I could have good painting space and some pet Persian cats. I worked hard, toured with my slide show, paid in money to Scientology to pay for O.T. levels and went to start them in 1981 I believe.

I went to Copenhagen to do my solo auditing course (where I learned how to hold still both electrodes of the e-meter in one hand, write my session worksheets with my second hand and adjust the e-meter with my 3rd hand....lol, just kidding. I actually adjusted the e-meter with my writing hand. I then continued to do my "eligibility" program and "set-ups". Eligibility is where I was checked for all possibilities for "out-security" such as being connected to any psychiatrists, government agencies, spy agencies, media, etc so I could get "invited" to do the super-secret "O.T. Levels. Set-ups were to see if any of my previous auditing steps were incomplete. I got through both steps after a week or two and started "O.T. 1. ****** NOTE: The "Confidential" O.T. Levels 1-6, some of 7, and 8 have been published several times on the internet, but I don't know if and where they may be right now? I will pass on the details of the actual auditing as it would be redundant due to over-posting. I did what was written. I think that Scientology STILL thinks of them as "confidential" even though they have been publicly available for on-screen viewing, download, reference and printing for months at a time. This may be because their own paying public have a "net nanny" contained in a CD-ROM they get to protect their web-browsing from publicly published, but embarrassing truths. The O.T. levels are, therefore still a secret to those who have to pay for them. Ironic but true. ****** I was shocked, however, when I read about Xenu the mad genocidal tyrant and the dead space aliens that I had to get rid of out of my body. I was also very scared of getting pneumonia if I did anything wrong. I was, however, in awe of Ron for cheating death in researching O.T. 3 and almost dying while doing it. He said, after all, that he was the very first person in 75 million years to pass through the "Wall of Fire" of the Xenu incident and come out alive. The only thing I didn't understand too well at the time was the list of volcanoes and where they had actually existed, some of them, 75 million years ago.

Anyway, I did the steps, finished the levels one-by-one up to O.T. 4, then a part of "old" O.T. 7 (to do with projecting intention) in Copenhagen. I was then persuaded that "my artist-celebrity status" necessitated that I do O.T. 5 at Flag, and also the famous "L" processes ( very "O.T. secret stuff) at Flag. I borrowed a lot of money and paid for 3 "L's, and 100 hours of New OT 5. I went to Florida in 1982 to get these services. The painting career paid for the auditing, accommodations, food, travel and other costs.

For a brief time at Flag in the first half of 1982 things seemed really fine, for me and for the whole group. The atmosphere was good; we had staff and public working in cheerful harmony, wealthy public flowing in and out, fun events and soirees. Even Diana Hubbard was socializing, along with Cyprien Katsaris (a superb concert pianist) and we had impromptu or informal art evenings with live piano improvisation, cultural conversation and a feeling of starting to win in the battle to clear the planet.

I did O.T. 5, then L-10, but O.T. 5 took so many hours it "ate up" the other 2 L's and I never got to do them.

I went straight on to do O.T. 6 that same year and onto New O.T. 7 by the end of 1982. That, and other unusual personal things that happened in Paris for my art and general spiritual well-being, made 1982 a really good year.

Then suddenly things started to deteriorate rapidly in Scientology. It was already showing as a sense of foreboding in 1982 but the sit (situation) hit the fan in 1983. Very fast, the atmosphere at Flag became awful, oppressive, worrisome, hateful, vindictive and alarming. Mission holders, who had been earning huge amounts of money, paying for Flag services for themselves and many of their staff were suddenly "under the gun". A management power struggle was occurring, with a very uncertain outcome, right in front of us. The executives of missions started to be alarmed at certain hostile actions against them. Some were holding meetings together to plan what to do, and others were being grilled in severe "security checks" on the e-meter and looked hunted and haunted. It was as if the lights went out on the bright expansion of Scientology that had been occurring. I was very concerned as what was occurring had a Gestapo-like flavor to it all.

The whole expansion atmosphere collapsed in a heap, and never resurfaced again. Note: Scientology, as I had first known it and progressed within it, never recovered from that power putsch in 1983.

It was as if the whole group was under a concentrated suppressive influence of some magnitude, and it was indeed. It had been taken over, by force, by David Miscavige, Norman Starkey, and a tight group of co-conspirators, including some lawyers/attorneys. Corporate structures and ownerships had been vastly "modified" to prevent any future litigants from getting any money from Scientology (I heard that directly from Miscavige at an event). An infamous "Mission Holder Conference" was held in San Francisco and acted like a coup d'etat on the mission network. A new regime of very power-hungry staff members essentially took the missions and their monies away from the people who built them. One "excuse" was that missions were taking public from the organizations, or not sending them into orgs fast enough, and so all the mission holders were rounded-up, restrained in a hotel conference/event room with all exits guarded till they either complied with the new tyrannical regime or got expelled from Scientology on the spot. It was as if Hubbard himself had disappeared and a self-elected new management authority had simply forced themselves into power and abuse of power.

At Flag, in Clearwater, where I was still auditing New O.T. 7 on myself, I saw that both public and staff were dismayed and in terror. I saw Sea Org officer Wendell Reynolds and accompanying slick, starched uniform aides spreading fear and emotional horror as "Finance Police"! Gestapo-like attitudes and cold tyranny reigned supreme. Many mission holders had not only lost their missions and sources of income but had been expelled never to return. Missions were forced to have "Finance Police" from the new regime and to pay something like $15,000 per DAY to have them there! In short, "my group" was self-destructing and it became most unhealthy to be in contact with it. Even the local Mission (Celebrity Centre) holders from Paris, the Rosenbergs, had been expelled in 1983. So had their Case Supervisor Andree de Thiersant, and others.

I went home to continue auditing New O.T. 7 in Paris, but I had a horrible set of experiences there. I went to the Celebrity Centre for some "management technology" courses, but found that most often I was almost the only student there! The staff who still remained were edgy, afraid and insecure. I got tired of it one day and told the supervisor she was in error in handling me as a student with anger and hostility. I was immediately "routed" (accompanied with physical persuasion) to a basement room where 2 Sea Org "Missionaries" (uniform and all) were waiting. I had to hold the e-meter electrodes and they asked me very personal questions about my loyalties, my sex life, my sympathies with ex-staff members etc. I was very upset indeed at the kind of Gestapo-nazi interrogation that it was. They got me to tell them, though I was not very willing, about my recent gay activities which were sparse and almost non-existent. They then went and held a staff meeting to relate to the personnel what I had just told them! I was appalled, specially as I was on O.T. 7 and should never have been subjected to that kind of destructive interrogation.

I had to return to Flag, at great cost, that very same week, to get my severe upsets handled and to get back on track with O.T. 7.

I returned to Paris and decided to move to Monaco to continue my painting career, to continue my O.T. 7 there and to disconnect from the Paris group and from the horrors of the new cruel tyranny of the uninvited management regime.

WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED
AFTER THE ABOVE (1979-1983)

1. The O.T. Levels did not produce Total Freedom, except, perhaps, maybe, possibly for the invisible space aliens blown off in sessions. I have, now, the gravest doubts as to the actual veracity of the Xenu story and the actuality of the space alien spirits etc.... I would even say I doubt all of it to the point of feeling scammed.

2. When power-hunger and greed took over Scientology it lost its power to have a chance at being constructive. It became a travesty of its own stated goals.

3. Tyranny is self-destructive, but harms. many in its suicide.

4. Scientology's management is taking the whole group down. I can not say that I feel any desire to help prevent that, seeing how destructive a group it is. In fact I hope they do the best job possible on all of that. They killed the spirit of "my group" back in 1983. They are now reaping what they sowed. R.I.P. to whatever positive personality Scientology ever succeeded in attaining by the hard work and dedication of a lot of hopeful people, myself included.

---

WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED LATER
ABOUT SOME OF THESE MATTERS:

1. Although the lawyers and tax-IRS-related personnel who actually owned Scientology (such as those in "Church of Spiritual Technology", C.S.T.) were manipulating and running a lot of corporate things which affected our lives they were never seen or heard of by us at events. They were "non-existent" as far as we were concerned. Such people had a "zero profile" to the membership. Apart from seeing them at events, the management's daily activities or dealings, handling of vast amounts of monies was "invisible" to even staff at any lower level. Where the money went was anyone's guess. The actual use of monies by management still remains a big mystery today, but some data is available on the internet.

2. The Ship, Freewinds, was needed by the Sea Org (so their little navy could be rehydrated) and the I.A.S (so it could have an off-shore command centre from which to attack various governments with outrageous P.R. (Public Relations lies ) etc...Germany was one). The full page ads with black propaganda against foreign governments were framed and displayed by the I.A.S offices on deck C of the Freewinds. It was/is a floating base that can move away from retaliations.

3. O.T. 9 was sold in huge quantities but never has been delivered to anyone. It may not even exist in fact.

4. The actual statistics given out in wildly ascending graph trend lines at the events I attended may have been often false and misleading. Realities often bore little resemblance to the dynamics of "stellar" (a frequent buzz-word) stats (statistics) and expansion when I visited many orgs and missions with my art show. The states and conditions of things "on the ground", I could directly observe, were wildly at variance with the glowing reports and adrenaline-rush "astounding science fiction" feats of magnificence given out at events. On many occasions while I was giving art lectures and pep talks as a celebrity in orgs and missions (I gave over 200 events in about 40 cities from 1980 to about 1989)the local top executives would confide in me their difficulties on post etc... so I had a very good over-view of what the realities were when compared to the management reports to us. It got worse and worse as time went by.

While I was a resident of Monaco for 2 years (Monaco-Monte Carlo is in the south of France, near Nice) I painted, audited O.T. 7 full-time and worked at improving my art promotional slide-show.

I went back to Flag every 6 months or so to get verified as to my progress on the level. It was 1983-84-85. I stayed out of the internal power-politics of the whole scene and minded my own business while getting through O.T. 7. In 1985 it seemed that the situation had settled down and was pretty bearable even though the spirit had gone from the group to a very large degree.

I went to Mexico to promote my art and did quite well there after getting through the awful sickness of reaction to either water or food for a few terrible days. I made some money, some friends and some new art prospects in a short period, some Scientologists and others not. I was, however, very, very shocked at the disparity of wealth and income between the Scientologists and their employees. I visited their factories and understood that the people working there earned about $60 a month but the "boss" (an O.T. 7) was getting over $50,000.00 a month for showing up occasionally. He was donating heavily (hundreds of thousands of dollars) to Scientology (I don't want to name names here, but there were about 12 people I knew in similar situations)and getting Scientology accolades for being so "upstat" and admirable.

It was disheartening and sickening to see the lazy bosses in their marble palaces with olympic size swimming pool in the living room, while the families of the workers struggled to even have food and makeshift shelters. This was, surely, a problem of Mexican society, not of Scientology, but it was eye-opening to me to see the truth behind the "upstat" donors and their ego-trips being made on the backs of exploited workers. "Exchange" was not "in" but it didn't apparently matter to those receiving the donations in the "church". One senior Mexican O.T. 7 was in business in the clothing industry. Their way of doing business, so I found out, was to go to Spain, buy attractive baby clothes, take them back to Mexico and copy the designs for free as plagiarized styles. I got really sick of the attitudes there and moved to Clearwater to be near Flag and complete my O.T. 7.

I moved into a building near the Sandcastle Hotel, where O.T. 7 was being supervised. I continued the level and attended Flag events. For those who don't know, the annual menu of "events" in Scientology are a great part of the "group bonding" of the whole world-wide structure. typically, the biggest events were on March 13th for Hubbard's Birthday, May 9th for 1950 launch of Dianetics Book anniversary and New Year Event. At Flag the Sea Org anniversary, I think it is some time in September? was a big deal. At these events, which resemble each-other dramatically, Scientology International management makes its rare public appearances, all "dressed to kill" (hmmmm) in tuxedos or naval uniforms. and give off shopping lists of "wins", "breakthroughs", statistics (usually with blank graphs without actual numbers), victories over psychiatrists, results in the fight against pharmaceuticals such as Ritalin etc.. legal victories over insane suppressive enemies or ex-members who were yapping too loudly and new incursions into social fields such as education, drug abuse rehabilitation, prisons or mental health.

Attendees, such as myself and the 2,000 or so other people at these packed Flag Auditorium events, got regular exercise during the proceedings due to the yo-yo effect of giving Ron Hubbard's big stage photo standing ovations every few minutes due to the grandiosity of the "news" and the apparently overwhelming successes Scientology was reported to be having in the world. The Management regime took turns at giving, from their own specialized areas, the "impressive successes", amazing breakthroughs for sale, new books and courses for sale, new art properties for sale, new auditing actions for sale, donations (sales) to further pet management projects, and awards to the most "upstat" donors to sell the idea that others should follow suit by giving huge donations too, etc. After the events the public people (clients) would habitually be met by a wall of staff members all selling the new releases and getting commissions on the sales. With the paltry amounts they usually earned they were almost hysterically motivated to sell anyone anything on the spot.

These events were the medium to cement the group together several times a year and to over-ride individual upsets, disagreements, annoyances or doubts about being a dutifully contributing member. The cheering of Ron, the hip-hip hoorahs, yoy-yo repetitive process, the amazingly admirable successes, stats, awards, releases... all went to bond me and the other attendees into the group anew whatever pain or frustrations I was going through while trying to get to O.T. 8 and the powers and abilities that were "surely" there. The group enthusiasm was contagious to a point of being addictive. This may explain a few things to more than a few people.

By this time the dry-land navy (Sea Organization) had found a way of getting a big ship to sail on. The answer was simple....get the Scientology public to donate one! We were asked, over and over, to make Ship donations for the New O.T. levels "that could not be delivered on dry land!!" Wow, well I did donate a bit but not too much. Others, mostly Mexican businessmen (ahem) donated hundreds of thousands of dollars each, some others, Americans, Germans, French, Israelis and more...donated millions in part-payments and packages for OT 8 and OT 9, with Ship Accommodations, named cabins, were being sold in large quantities. Eventually the cruise ship "Boheme" was purchased for about $30million and extensively renovated. It was later named the "Freewinds" and was based in Curacao, Netherlands Antilles, just north of the Venezuelan coast. It was being readied for "NEW O.T.8 !!!!!" Wowwwww! To my mind, if OT8 had to absolutely be delivered at sea it must be because it made us so powerful that landlubbers must not be alarmed or overwhelmed by it all. Something of the order of "A being at Cause over life, matter, energy, space, time, both subjective and objective"....as was advertised on the Hubbard Grade Chart!

Well, back to reality; my attempts to get "cured" of being gay per Hubbard's book writings that he could do so by my using his tech (as was a constant factor in all my auditing endeavors) met with results that were up-and-down, on-and-off, and temporary to say the least. It was not working and I could see no real results that lasted more than a few hours or a day or two. It was still ruining my life as a Scientologist and I got sent to "ethics" over and over and over for "handlings", ethics conditions, repairs, reviews, ad nauseam. It was as if I were trying to do away with a part of myself that, according to the group, "shouldn't be there" and was an aberration to be erased. No amount of releasing (apparently) of dead space aliens and dark entities from my body had a lasting effect on my being gay or straight, even when I got special "tailor-made" auditing on the subject.

By the end of 1985 I was still plodding on relentlessly with hopes and aspirations about getting to be a heterosexual disembodied causative spirit with amazing powers of telekinesis and effective thought projection. We heard Ron's tape (cassette) of his 1986 "New Year's Message" where we heard the voice say that OT8 was ready to be delivered. The picture I had of Ron being there on the Ship to greet us and make us superhuman was mentally surrounded in dazzlingly bright lights of hope and accomplishment.

In January 1986 those lights went out. (see part 7)

WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED LATER
ABOUT SOME OF THESE MATTERS

1. Although the lawyers and tax-IRS-related personnel who actually owned Scientology (such as those in "Church of Spiritual Technology", C.S.T) were manipulating and running a lot of corporate things which affected our lives they were never seen or heard of by us at events. They were "non-existent" as far as we were concerned. Such people had a "zero profile" to the membership. Apart from seeing them at events, the management's daily activities or dealings, handling of vast amounts of monies was "invisible" to even staff at any lower level. Where the money went was anyone's guess. The actual use of monies by management still remains a big mystery today, but some data is available on the internet.

2. The Ship, Freewinds, was needed by the Sea Org (so their little navy could be rehydrated) and the I.A.S (so it could have an off-shore command centre from which to attack various governments with outrageous P.R. etc...Germany was one). The full page ads with black propaganda against foreign governments were framed and displayed by the I.A.S offices on deck C of the Freewinds. It was/is a floating base that can move away from retalitions.

3. OT9 was sold in huge quantities but never has been delivered to anyone. It may not even exist in fact.

4. The actual statistics given out in wildly ascending graph trend lines at the events I attended may have been often false and misleading. Realities often bore little resemblance to the dynamics of "stellar" (a frequent buzz-word) stats and expansion when I visited many orgs and missions with my art show. The states and conditions of things "on the ground", I could directly observe, were wildly at variance with the glowing reports and adrenaline-rush "astounding science fiction" feats of magnificence given out at events. On many occasions while I was giving art lectures and pep talks as a celebrity in orgs and missions (I gave over 200 events in about 40 cities from 1980 to about 1989) the local top executives would confide in me their difficulties on post etc... so I had a very good over-view of what the realities were when compared to the management reports to us. It got worse and worse as time went by.

In January 1986, we in Clearwater got a call from Flag to come to a vital briefing that night in the auditorium. I think it was 24th or thereabouts.

The auditorium was packed. David Miscavige came on stage, with other people and they announced that L. Ron Hubbard had "finished his research and that his human body was holding him back so he had dropped it and gone on to the next planet to be cleared. We were in total shock. They went on to say, taking turns at giving information (Pat and Annie Broeker, Earl Cooley and David Miscavige) that he had consulted with him (Pat) prior to dropping his body and asked if Scientologists would grieve at his passing. Pat had replied yes. Apparently Hubbard had instructed him to tell people not to grieve and to focus on the job ahead, and to use his legacy of tech to save mankind.

Earl Cooley, one of a small army of Scientology attorneys at the time but one who was particularly close to top management, came up to the microphone and told us essentially that Ron's body was still perfectly functional when he left it and that his instructions were to have a burial at sea (ashes) and that that had been done swiftly so there was no grave to visit or tomb to flock to. We were then distracted from the news by talk about Ron's ranch, his OT research and content designed to take attention off the fact that we had lost "Source". Ron had been regarded as the "God" of Scientology, and now he was gone. Pat Broeker came out with a slide projected on a big screen that was a set of 33 triple numbers with commas separating them. He said that this was a date from OT10 and that it was an enormous breakthrough in the tech of auditing. One million has just 2 commas; this one had 32. The number was unimaginable. He also said Ron had defined music as "something that softens the impact of time on OTs". The data was fascinating but bewildering. No-one there, as far as I could see, had really moved past the point of Ron being dead and gone, cremated, thrown away and disappeared, all so soon.

We had to go back home, call all our Scientology friends, no ,matter what time of day or night it was in Europe, or anywhere else, and tell them the version of the news we had just heard before anyone would read about it in the newspapers next day. I called several friends overseas and got them to relay the message immediately. In this way the newspaper reports were softened on the Scientologists all over the world. Two days later the Challenger blew up and Hubbard's death left the main pages of the newsmedia.

I had been shocked to the point of wanting to join the Sea Org as I wanted to help mankind so much. That is just part of who I am. I signed up and got a preparation program to pay off debts (I had accumulated debt to get recent auditing at Flag). To cut a long story very short I never entered the Sea Org as the more I tried to pay off debt the worse business went. (Thank God for that, in retrospect!)

I continued my art, auditing on OT7 and socializing with Scientologists in Clearwater until 1986, later in the year and then moved to San Francisco area to try to get more art clients. I was off OT7 for a while after a big upset that I had dropped my bid to join the Sea Org and had annoyed several people because of it. It was just not meant to be and I knew it. I lived in Palo Alto and another S.F. Bay area City, got some locals into Scientology and generally enjoyed the area very much. I was not able to get an immigration visa or residency so I left the USA in 1988 to return to Paris.

With having lived in so many places, toured with my art to so many cities I had literally hundreds of Scientology friends, clients and associates in many countries. I still have all their names and addresses. I continued to audit on OT7 in Paris in 1988 and 1989. I also went to the Celebrity Center, where the Rosenbergs had been reinstated a few years earlier after the initial finance police purges were exhausted and finance police dissolved.

In 1989 I had started an idea of helping the Art world with some special writings of my own, from my own experience and inspirations as a professional artist. It was a freeing and uplifting set of ideas that I started to write as articles for members of my proposed club/association/movement, whatever you may want to call it. It was originally going to be titled "Universal Renaissance". I was still working on this (and still gay despite all the efforts I had made) when I felt I had come to the completion of OT7. I went to Flag, got checked out on all that was going on, and attested to "NEW OT7 COMPLETION" in December 1989.

After going through more "eligibility programs", ethics handling (on being still a bit gay, lol)....I eventually went from Flag to the Freewinds to do "NEW OT8"!! Wow, finally! Well, not so fast! When I arrived there were still more "eligibility programs" to do, folders to be checked with close scrutiny and baby steps to please the "Ethics Officer", now called a "Master -at-arms" because we were on a ship. It was rather pleasant being on a smart cruise ship for a while, but when 3 weeks had gone by and I was still not on OT8 I protested vehemently. Others had arrived a long time after me and had sailed straight onto OT8, so why not me?? Well, the folders had to be checked and re-checked and, frankly the auditing folders became far more important than me. I was disappointed to see the folders getting all the attention and me very little. It was really as if I had to adapt myself to ensure the folders were ready to go on to OT8 and not the other way round.

I eventually got an "Invitation" to do NEW OT8 in January 1990.

WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED ON VARIOUS POINTS ABOVE
WITH HINDSIGHT:

1. Ron had died under extremely suspicious circumstances. There is a lot of internet factual record of that so I will just be brief on that here. It seems that he died a disheveled and unkempt old guy with psych drugs in his system (Vistaril) per the coroners report. Also, his Will had been significantly changed THE DAY BEFORE HE SUPPOSEDLY DIED. All photos taken of his body were intentionally destroyed. The cremation had taken place very fast, almost weirdly fast. There were many, many really important questions not given answers but swept under the rug, so to speak. It looks like a massive cover-up.

2.Eligibilty programs. are used to elicit extra contribution in effort, support and monies from the Scientology "public". I had to prove I was contributing to the expansion of Scientology, and not being an enemy or a non-contributor, to get "invited" onto the secret OT levels.

3. OT7 took me 7 years to complete, and I audited well over 1000 hours (solo) on it, all having to do with removing the excess of low spirits (lol) or "body thetans" (also known on the web as "space cooties, dead space aliens and Xenu entities) per the materials that have been posted on the internet for free, but for which I had to pay tens of thousands of dollars.

" Scientologists believe that most human problems. can be traced to lingering spirits of an extraterrestrial people massacred by their ruler, Xenu, over 75 million years ago. These spirits attach themselves by "clusters" to individuals in the contemporary world, causing spiritual harm and negatively influencing the lives of their hosts ". USDJ Judge Leonie Brinkema 4 Oct 96 Memorandum Opinion, RTC vs Lerma

4. I was a slave to my folders, whose condition was, apparently, far more important than mine. This was quite humiliating in actual practice, though it may seem funny to some who have not experienced that. If the folders weren't right **I** had to be changed to make them right. Yikes. Hey maybe my paperwork went O.T. instead of me?? ; )

So, there I was, on the Freewinds with an "Invitation" to do New O.T. 8! The top of the Bridge had finally been reached and I was about to get my real O.T. abilities!! that is what all the films, ads, brochures, and registrars had promised! I set off for the course room in the front of the ship with a view of the poop deck. Invitation in hand, I showed it to the guard at the double doors, took my entry magnetic card and slid it into the security swipe-machine. I got a green light and entered.

The course room was relatively large and light due to the numerous windows. I went to the supervisor, Alice, who had also been my supervisor on O.T. 7 in previous years. She welcomed me and took me to the course administration window to get a course pack to use for studying. It was explained that, due to an electronic security system, I had only 30 seconds to get my pack "plugged in again" at my study table before alarms. would sound. I thought this was kind of exciting and that it must mean a rare and powerful set of materials was being so heavily protected. Wow!!

I got it plugged in at my space within the time limit and eagerly opened the pack. Let's see.....ok....it starts off with "Keeping Scientology Working" Policy Letter...no surprise there. Then the usual parade of basic course Policy Letters, ok, then Training routines, E-meter drills all 3 times through. I thought, "Yikes..again!???"....and a book "A History of Man" to read. Ok, so where's the NEW O.T. 8 stuff??? I dared to inquire of Alice "where the beef was", so to speak, and she said with a knowing smile...."in pack number 2!" Groan....I had to do all this well-worn and over-familiar stuff for weeks before I could get to pack #2??? Darn!! Oh well, "the way out is the way through" so I swallowed my disappointment and got to doing the usual drills. I was twinned with Craig Jensen and John Coale (Greta Van Susteren's husband) as needs arose.

I think it took something like 10 days to 2 weeks to get through pack #1. However, I did not miss seeing that others studying pack #2 had a skinny set of papers to study, and were not "over the moon" about what was in there....in fact they were asking questions like "where's the rest?", is this all there is? and how do I do this auditing, as it seems too simple to be all there is...?" They were suitably hushed-up by Alice, and "handled" with referral 100% to their written materials and no verbal explanations.

When my time came to get the vastly POWERFUL (supposedly) N*E*W* *O*T* *8* pack #2 I was excited, but not too much any more. I had already seen other students come back from auditing it and they were mostly not much different from before... Some did exhibit big smiles and laughter, for sure, but I had seen them do that on several other auditing levels too while at Flag.

Pack#2 was indeed a skinny set of around 12 pages only. Not much "meat" to it... For details on the procedure, Ariane Jackson has already posted it to the internet years ago, so my repeating it here would be redundant and unnecessary. I am sure someone will oblige and post the relevant URL of the Google or web link for Ariane's posting. It was very accurate and complete, even if very short.

So, I went off to audit the level and had some wins along the way, but was no longer expecting very much. I audited for a few days and eventually had a win that was simple yet, to me, powerful. I saw how "simple" I was as a spiritual being. Not complex just simple (but not dumb, though the length of time it took me to see I had been scammed might make others believe so,.....lol). Well, I was invited to attest the level and did so. It came up once in a deposition, and was stated as "I now know who I am not, and am interested in finding out who I am". that was IT. I did feel really good at finding out how simple a spiritual being can be, but there were NO O.T. POWERS that I had been so extremely keen on attaining!!! Oh Nooooo!! Of course, everything was hush-hush and I couldn't say anything about the level being so "light" on actual content without getting slammed as a group member, and I could not afford any more "reviews and ethics handlings" with ship accommodations at around $140 a day!

I was "announced" at a festive event in the cabaret room, and gave the wins I felt at that time. I was happy to have done all I could do and to have finally "made it". I did enjoy the fact that I had finally reached the end of the available "Bridge?" and that now I could get on with life instead of struggling up new levels and ridding myself of another few million space alien spirits, though.

: ))

P.S. IF they WERE really trapped alien spirits, sprites, beings or entities and not just figments of the imagination or invisible Orcs from Mordor (lol), the my best guess as to how many I "released" from 1981 to 1990 is approximately 4 or 5 Billion (4,500,000,000), maybe more, from my body and from my electronic field aura and from other locations near, far and miscellaneously positioned across the universe. Being "thetans" or "static" or "life units" they don't take up much space but they could be a pain in the butt, or wherever else they may have been "lodged. If I actually did all that then I cleaned house in a whole lot of places.

My biggest objection was always..."Why do *I* have to pay so much money to free up other "beings" who go free at no cost?" The usual staff response to my question was a disapproving look and a resounding silence, rather like a big firework display of O.T. abilities that never takes place.

I did a lot of costly spiritual self-cleaning along the way. I got cleaned out financially too, but that is par for the course as a dedicated "Scientologist."

As far as I know nobody else in the world has gone from so far down in the depths of Scientology indoctrination (New OT8) right up to "SP 7" (a term used on alt.religion.scientology newsgroup to denote a person who has sued Scientology) and the real self-determinism and freedom that being OUT of Scientology so well and far has afforded me.

What follows in the several closing postings of this (MPES) series has, I believe, never been posted before. It shows how insanely crazy the cult got and how incredibly unworkable the "admin tech" was in my own case of trying to obtain recourse from major injustices from 1991 to 1997. The staff of several organizations got really angry and vindictive in its "handlings" with me when I refused to just bow down and accept lies that were designed to break me down into compliance with the overgrown egos of cult management and the blatant lies they false-reported about me. I was extensively grilled on some of the matters written in these following postings while under deposition when I sued the cult.

It is a matter of pride for me to have actually survived thus far the attacks, injustices and insanity of the cult's covert operations branch that wages war in peace time and compulsively and habitually blames their own crimes on others to try to cover their tracks. Also, if anything untoward might "happen" to me in the future then the record of my direct experiences with Scientology will already be publicly available and not remain either unpublished or forgotten. Let my experiences be a warning to others who might become or start to get tangled in the web of cult indoctrination that Scientology uses to ensnare and trap innocent people.

I have taken a few days off to do all these postings as I believe it is my duty and right to post the truth on the internet to clear away some of Scientology's world wide web of lies. Why now? you may ask...well ever since I saw and read on the internet recently a posting from Caroline Letkeman showing a recently discovered "checksheet" of Scientology's "Department of Special Affairs" (INVESTIGATIONS OFFICER FULL HAT CHECKSHEET, -OSA INT ED 508R, 1991) a course of staff study which, I suddenly became aware of, was actually, apparently, practiced on me as a result of such materials in that course and from 1991 and later. The main focus of the course is the art of attacking perceived "enemies" and conducting warfare, but is being taught by a so-called "religion". This is in tight parallel to the terrorism of 11 September 2001 where religious fanaticism and warfare were a deadly mix. Any country or territory that has Scientology on it (according to what I know and have experienced with it) under whatever guise or "other name" is at very great risk of infiltration, subversive agendas and outright hostile take-over, as the agenda of Scientology is always openly stated as "world domination". Do not take such a warning lightly. It has been brought to you at great personal cost.

I realized that I had been the target of a determined and concerted set of warfare attacks from Scientology like a kind of terrorist activity and decided to write about it here. In short, Scientology had, to my mind and observation, tried to destroy or kill me by various underhanded methods and destructive operations all planned out in advance. I recognized patterns of attack that are recommended in this checksheet and that I know are contained in some of the references included. The following postings outline these attacks. I went from a friend of scientology at the top of the "Grade Chart" to "hunted group prey" in a very short time. It may be fascinating and even entertaining to read about it from an office desk or armchair but I can assure you it was no fun to live it!

My response to attack and fair game has always been to come out with more truth and post it on the internet. Long live the truth, as it is the friend of the honest!

In February 1990 I completed the highest current level of pastoral counseling in the Church of Scientology, called O.T. 8. on the ship "Freewinds". I had, by that time, been an active member of C. of S. since 1973. I had spent a very large sum of money on church counseling and training procedures, and had helped the C. of S. on numerous occasions when it had had difficulties. As a furtherance of my career and my desire to see artists do better in life I decided to write up my own personal experiences in the field of the arts and to give the benefit of these experiences to young artists in particular. It is a difficult profession to be successful in, and I had learned "the hard way" what worked and what didn't work. I wrote up a few pages of text on art and culture from my own experience, and started to send them out to others, to get their feed-back on its usefulness or not. The responses were wonderful, and this was from artists and art lovers alike. I decided to do this more fully and to start an artists association to unite artists under the umbrella of true data concerning the arts. The arts are full of false data that can drown a young artist very early on in their career.

I had a meeting of the newly-forming association in my home in Paris on April 7 1991. The people who attended were invited there by Mrs. M. A. Doree, an assistant of mine back then. I did not know some of the people present, as it was the first time we met. The meeting went very well for all concerned, and a few attendees decided to enroll in the association. It was a very happy occasion. On 9 April 1991 I went to the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre of Paris to have lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg, the Director and President of the Celebrity Centre. During lunch I mentioned actions I was doing to help artists under my new Initiative. Both Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg became very angry at my actions, without explaining why at that time. Mrs. Sarit Rosenberg insisted that I come to her office to see some references on the subject (some internal administrative rules not written by L. Ron Hubbard, but by Church officials in Los Angeles). Sarit Rosenberg proceeded to hysterically and angrily denounce all I was doing as some kind of "crime" (in her viewpoint) against the C. of S. I refused to abandon my purposes in the arts and, in particular, I would not agree to stopping the formation of my artists association. At this point she made the following threats from her position as President of the C. of S. CC Paris; that if I did not stop my artists association and my writings on art she would;

a)issue an official C. of S. restraining order (called a "Non-Enturbulation Order")on me. When one of these is issued it puts the "parishioner" in a very unsafe position in the Church in that if even one other report comes from any other parishioner that is upset with the person ("Joe", for example) then Joe will be instantly cut off from the Church, his friends in Scientology, and from any further Church counseling or training. It is no light matter to issue one of these on someone. It, basically, puts them at very high risk of "excommunication" on anyone's whim.

b)cut all of my communication lines to my artist friends that were in the C. of S. in Paris and ensure that she would use her position as President of the C. of S. Celebrity Centre to make the friendships cease until I would comply with her orders to me.

c) that she would use her C. of S, position to have removed any status I had within the C. of S., particularly as a person who had "O.T." status (O.T. means "operating thetan", where thetan refers to the spiritual being or "soul" of the person). I had worked since 1973 to attain this state within the C. of S.» and I was proud of my efforts, persistence and result I had achieved. Sarit Rosenberg was threatening to have all of this "cancelled" if I did not bow down to her wishes for me to stop helping artists by my writings and artists association.

I did not comply to her angry ranting, and had no intention of bowing down to her threats.

I left the building and went home to write up a report to the C. of S. management on her behavior. For me it was totally unacceptable that the Church of Scientology would interfere in my profession and my artistic purposes by threat and "blackmail" of a spiritual nature. The next day it was all written up and sent to Los Angeles with the facts. I never went back to the Celebrity Centre since then, for any training or events. I continued my work at home in the meantime, including helping out as a leader in the Paris office of "W.I.S.E." (WORLD INSTITUTE OF SCIENTOLOGY ENTERPRISES). I had paid several thousand dollars for a franchise to help Scientology businessmen do better in life. I was the "Charter Committee" leader, as I wanted to be useful to the group.

At this time my career was going normally, I was still maintaining a sales percent of paintings sold of over 95%. I had minimal credit or debt.

In April 1991 Sarit Rosenberg went to the Freewinds ship. Apparently, while she was there she criticized me strongly to the staff member who was in charge of "parishioner" ethics. I suspect that she gave this person (Christine McNocher) a false impression of me of a very negative nature. Also, Mr. Alain Franck Rosenberg went at a different moment in April 1991 to the Freewinds. I learned later from Miss McNocher that while he was there he had been "briefed" by the Senior Case Supervisor, Mrs. Margaret Supak, on the contents of my auditing/ethics folders, which was a highly personal confessional write-up I had volunteered under confidence in what I considered to be a sacred trust. It is a severe violation to betray this trust as then any person can become subject to abuse or even blackmail by the unauthorized revealing of their private confessional actions. Mr. Rosenberg, apparently, told Sarit Rosenberg about this confessional content. During this time I was waiting for a reply to my report from the Religious Technology Centre on the threats I had met with from the C. of S. executive in Paris.

Shortly after the visit of the Rosenbergs to the Freewinds ship Miss McNocher issued an official document, with broad issue world-wide to Scientologists, that I was no longer to be considered an "O.T.", or even a Pre"O.T." (someone doing grades lower than actual "O.T.") This was issued from the Freewinds ship on 2 May 1991.

The publication also said that I had been "found guilty" of various crimes and high crimes against church policies (without any on-policy "Justice" action to stand behind these accusations). It also stated that, in order to regain the status I had paid for, worked through and completed I would have to complete an extensive program written for me by Margaret Supak. It also issued an official threat that if I did not perform the actions required that I might be cut off from Scientology (declared as a "suppressive person").

Remember that all this comes from the fact that I wanted to help other artists! When I later asked Miss McNocher why this had been written she said it was because of things I had written in my volunteered confessional write-up on what was occurring in my private love-life (yes, "gay" activity in Paris after OT8). It is specifically forbidden in the C. of S. . policies to write an ethics order on this subject, yet here was one officially issued after my confidence and privacy had been violated by Mrs. Supak. My personal life is a matter of private concern, and I had turned to the Church of Scientology in 1973 to get help specifically on some aspects of this. I recently learned that the exact procedures that would have helped me on this were never given to me, even after 23 years and thousands of hours purchased for auditing at various organizations of the C. of S. I also recently learned that the C. of S. has issued a confidential (but general content revealed to me by friends) publication where it is found that the previous level of spiritual counseling (O.T. 7) was delivered defectively, and that this may have created severe difficulties for "parishioners" who had previously paid for, done and completed this Scientology level, such as myself.

AS OF 1997; NOTE{Currently, all persons having experienced this defective level of training and auditing are called back to Clearwater to pay for and re-do this level at their own expense. Even though I have experienced this level of Scientology I have been denied access to the publication at the Flag Land Base in Clearwater.

To continue on the history of what occurred in 1991; the program written by Mrs. Supak required me to do an extensive "amends project" for the C. of S. and to do other technical items. of C. of S. services. It also threatened that if I did not comply with all of these points, as well as having "a flawless Ethics record" (a thing virtually impossible to attain in the realities of the everyday world, as any Scientologist will confirm who works outside the Church) that I would be instantly cut off from Scientology, my friends and acquaintances in the C. of S. This document was issued by the Flag Ship Service Organization on May 30 1991.

In May 1991 I was still in Paris waiting for a reply to my report on the threats. None-came.

Unknown to me at the time (April and May 1991) Sarit Rosenberg had gone to the effort of having some of her other staff members (Claude Tizioli, Marie-Yvonne Leclerc and Philippe Coriou) write ethics violation reports on me, even though they had no personal knowledge of what had transpired as they had not been present at the meeting between myself and Sarit Rosenberg. These reports were sent to the Freewinds ethics office, all containing erroneous and negatively alarming falsehoods on me. No copies were sent to me so I did not know of their existence until it was "too late". These could have been corrected by policy applications if I had known about them. It appears that the fact of not sending me any copies was part of Mrs. Rosenberg's plan to get me thoroughly discredited within the C. of S.

I will save comments on what I learned during this "attack" phase from the C. of S. until I have posted all its sections.

I only learned about the existence of these false reports from a friend in Copenhagen who had seen copies of them sent on internal C. of S. . lines (Daniele Lattanzi).

On May 8 1991 I went to the Paris Celebrity Centre to obtain copies of the reports, and, after much persuasion, I obtained them. I wrote immediate requests for correction. No corrections were ever granted, even up to today. In May 1991 Sarit Rosenberg used her position as President of the Celebrity Centre to have issued the "Non Enturbulation Order" she had threatened me with on April 9th. I had not even been in the Celebrity Centre since then except to obtain the report copies. I had not been there to upset anyone. It was merely a continuation of her (and OSA Paris) personal vendetta against me using her official position in the Church of Scientology as a weapon. In the order Sarit had me "removed" from my franchise position with "W.I.S.E." with no authority to do so, and I thereby lost all the money I paid in for the Charter Committee franchise ($6,000.00) The ethics orders were made public, discrediting my name and reputation falsely and were left posted on the public notice board for months.

More false reports on supposed bad actions I was supposed to have undertaken (all erroneous and based in opinions rather than any facts) were written by staff of Celebrity Centre Paris in May 1991. All of the things I write here are fully documented. They were also included in "discovery" in the Pattinson case in Los Angeles.

Towards the end of May 1991 Sarit started to use the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre Paris to wage a "Black P.R. campaign" against both my professional career and my personal reputation. She used her position to interfere actively with my artists association by forcing friends of mine to call me (under threat themselves from Sarit) to tell me that they had been ordered to "disconnect from me" and that they were asking for the immediate refund of the subscription they had paid in to be a member of my association. They said they were happy to be members, but that Sarit had used her post to force them to ask for a refund under duress. I paid all these people back as they had requested, though it is no business of the Church of Scientology to do such actions as these. The persons concerned were; Noel Hamman, Xavier Deluc, Antoine Tome, Maryline Dupoux and Jacques Leservot.

It was through these people, and other friends of mine that were connected to the C. of S. Celebrity Centre Paris that I first heard back, on public, rumor and innuendo lines, the contents of my confessional actions, which were supposed to have been kept in the trust of the C. of S. It was being used to discredit me publicly, even though it had been volunteered as part of church so-called "priest-penitent procedures" and kept on those exact lines.

Suddenly, on May 25th 1991 I got a phone call from Miss McNocher, on the Freewinds ship saying that she had received more reports on me and that the Religious Technology Centre had become alarmed at the contents. She said, in no uncertain terms, that unless I arrived at the Freewinds that weekend (she called Friday afternoon) I would be "declared S.P." (that is the Scientology "excommunication" from the group I had been threatened with earlier by Sarit Rosenberg). Basically, I had to pay for a flight to Nassau, Bahamas, stay a time on the Freewinds ($1,500 per week at the time) and get there the day after next, abandon my work, and pay other costs all because Sarit Rosenberg had written lies about me. This, in addition to all the other actions taken against me by the C. of S. . were too much, and I had what amounted to a nervous breakdown. I called my parents in England and told them about what was occurring. They offered to send me the money they were just about to use for their summer vacation so I could go to the Freewinds and sort things out. Things were getting crazy but they were about to get crazier. I was a Scientology O.T. 8 celebrity being treated as an "enemy" both for being gay and for forming an artists' association!

OSA's attacks on me, with cooperation of the Rosenbergs, as outlined in the DEPT OF SPECIAL AFFAIRS INVESTIGATOR FULL HAT CHECKSHEET I referred to in a previous posting were being enacted to try to destroy my whole existence but I did not know that at the time. I have only discovered that a few weeks ago (2003, summer).

I managed to arrive at the Freewinds on the Sunday morning. Miss McNocher asked me to write up all the facts that I had on the reports she had received and I spent two days doing that. I wrote the truth. They went to Mrs. Supak. The answer came back as the program I previously mentioned, plus an invalidation of all I had written up as reports, saying that they didn't believe a word I said. Why not? "Because I was gay, therefore supposedly at "covert hostility" on Hubbard's Tone Scale of emotions and those people are liars etc...." What they failed to observe was that writing reports is not a sexual activity (duh) and was not subject to that stupid attribute of "1.1" (covert hostility). Hubbard hated gays as "1.1" and that hate had by then apparently spread to me through robotic staff members.

Sarit had already smashed my reputation on the Freewinds, apparently, in April. I asked for references from the Founder of Scientology, L. Ron Hubbard, to back up what was being done. Miss McNocher would not give me any. Instead, as a reaction against my protests against the incorrect "handlings" which were very "non-Scientology" (as there had been-no verification of facts in the reports before acting on them in my disfavor) Miss McNocher said that Margaret Supak had ordered a Committee of Evidence (Scientology's most severe justice committee) against me. Then she ordered me to go back home to Paris and come back to the Freewinds when the Committee was ready to sit and meet me. I requested to be faced with my accusers. This was never granted.

When I got home I wrote to Mr. David Miscavige, the Chairman of the Board of the Religious Technology Center in Los Angeles, to ask that the Committee be done in Europe where I could face my accusers and sort the matter out. I got no answer until too late. I was back on the Freewinds on June 25th when his letter arrived transferring the Committee of Evidence to Copenhagen, Denmark. So, I had paid for another trip to the Freewinds for nothing!

I was treated as some kind of "criminal" by the staff on the ship, and the trip was EXTREMELY unpleasant. As I had arrived on the Freewinds I was considered as a "public on board" and counted in the statistics. I was about to leave as I needed to go back to Europe for the Committee of Evidence. Miss McNocher called me into her office and informed me that I could not leave before purchasing 12.5 hours of auditing, ordered by Mrs. Supak. This would cost $7,400. I told her that I absolutely could not afford this, as all the troubles with the church had cost me valuable production time and I had no money to pay for it. This happened in Aruba island on June 26 1991. She said that my passport would be held back from me until I paid the money. I went to get my passport, as I refused to be held under such "extortion". I did not want to buy the auditing, and I did not have the money to pay for it. The passport officer on the Freewinds refused to give me my passport without the written consent of Mrs. Supak, The only way to get off the ship was to go down to the banks in Aruba and use my credit cards and checks to get sufficient funds to pay the funds demanded. I was given the unwanted and unnecessary auditing for just a couple of hours, on something in which I had no interest, and then I was allowed to leave. They had their $7,400 to count in the week's stats so I no longer was of interest. I was a very, very dissatisfied customer!! It was one of the worst moments of my life.

In August 1991, despite huge financial difficulties from the previous events, I went to Copenhagen, Denmark, for the Committee of Evidence. It went well and promised to be favorable to me, but before it could be published it was cancelled by a church Amnesty in September 1991. All the trouble and expense was for nothing. Even though the Amnesty had, apparently, cleared my ethics file of anything I might have done in the past, in October 1991 the Paris Celebrity Centre resumed their attacks against me. I had started a new business with a Mr. Bruno Spinozzi. We had partnered in a greetings card business using my photography of roses and flowers.

We had just done our first trade show, with some beginning success, and were proceeding to expand the company by further investment. Mr. Spinozzi was called in to the Paris Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre and was told that I was an "undesirable" un-Scientologist, and that he would have to "disconnect" from me or his future in Scientology would be at risk. He was fed false information (totally lies) until he had to give in to their demands. This was done in "HCO" (the Hubbard Communications Office) in the C. of S. . building, Rue Legendre, Paris. Bruno came to see me, saying that he was disgusted at the kind of person I was (from what he had been told at the church), and that he was stopping the business partnership he had with me, and that I should buy him out immediately. This effectively collapsed the business, even though I did make the arrangements to buy him out and let him go. I was then left with the stocks of product and nobody to sell them. This cost me a whole business. It was a deliberate attack on me by OSA.

As the Church's Paris Celebrity Centre was continuing to try to destroy my life, reputation, my business and my friendships, I wrote a request to the Los Angeles Headquarters to request a Committee of Evidence to clear my name. This request was made in October 1991. The Committee was held in Copenhagen in May 1992.

By October 1992 there was still no news of any findings or recommendations by the Committee. After some energetic faxing and writing to Los Angeles the results eventually came out in November 1992. I was found to be not guilty of any of the charges made against me. All copies (all of them) were sent to Celebrity Centre Paris for distribution and posting on the public notice board. They trashed every copy so no one could find out that my name had been cleared. I did not even receive a copy myself. I had to find out what the result of my Committee of Evidence was by calling a friend in Los Angeles, have him travel to the Justice Office of the Church, get the only remaining copy and fax me its contents! The results cleared my name of the false accusations, but did nothing to repair the damage from costs incurred in doing so. By this time, and since then it has cost me well over a hundred thousand dollars to clear my name of the falsehoods circulated about me by the C. of S. . Paris Celebrity Centre and OSA Paris.

I was still fighting to get justice served and get back my OT8 status and good standing. I don't give up easily. When I came to the Flag Land Base in Clearwater for auditing services in 1993 I had to spend several thousand dollars on new confessional procedures to see if I "had done bad things to the Paris Celebrity Centre". There was not much at all on that, but it wasted my counseling time that I had bought for not much result at all.

As part of my own personal investigations of what was behind the attacks from the Paris church I had discovered many other persons (a list of 40, minimum) that had received lesser, but similarly disturbing treatment by OSA and this couple (the Rosenbergs) without ever getting proper repair or correction. I reported this directly to the C. of S. . International Management in June 1993. This was on the Freewinds ship. On that same trip I was appointed an "O.T. Ambassador" for the C. of S. . by the Executive Director International, Guillaume Lesevre.

At the end of that trip, as an O.T. Ambassador, I was given, by the new ethics staff member on the Freewinds, Sharon Straas, a public issue Scientology administrative document concerning the ethics lapses of Mr., Rosenberg, and that a Committee of Evidence had been called on him to look at his wrong use of L. Ron Hubbard's technology in the running of the Paris Celebrity Centre. As I had just been appointed as the only O.T. Ambassador" for France, with the job of seeing to correct uses of the technologies in Paris I felt I should assist in the full application of the Committee of Evidence on Mr. Rosenberg. In order to ensure that the most data could be obtained from anyone who may have known something about the matter, so all factors could be taken into account I distributed 21 copies of the document (it had no distribution limitations on it) to other O.T. 8s in Paris plus a couple of people who had information to give about it. What I did not know, however, as I did not visit the Celebrity Centre, was that Mr. Rosenberg had kept the fact that he was called to a Committee of Evidence in Los Angeles a secret from the church group there in Paris. He had said to the staff that he was going to Los Angeles for "a brief administrative correction" only. The lid was blown off this lie by my sending out copies to selected individuals. What the response was is worthy of note,

My Experiences in Scientology
(MPES) Part 11

Mr. Rosenberg, and staff that he gave orders to, apparently, wrote ethics violation reports on me to the Freewinds to discredit me once more (same tactic as before) with no copies to me. I was called by Sharon Straas on the Freewinds who was ordering me back there (same tactic as before), and saying that I could not see any copies of the reports unless I arrived at the ship. This is contrary to Mr. Hubbard's writings on the matter, so I refused to go. I queried the order in place of complying. No copies were sent to me.

Sharon suddenly cancelled my "O.T. Ambassador" status, without any correct Hubbard policy procedures. I was also denied training at the Paris main Organization where I was on a course at the time. I had high statistics on course, showing good study production, but I was denied training anyway. Sharon also RE-issued the old unjust and false documents of 1991 that had already been cancelled officially in my Committee of Evidence. This cancelled all my previous expensive efforts to get justice done!

In addition, as a "retaliation" Mr. Rosenberg apparently ordered his new ethics staff member to call in all my friends and give them a "briefing" on how I had "stolen" the document from the Freewinds (a lie), about how I should not be associated-with due to my bad character (another lie), and showing my friends the re-issued false documents from the Freewinds as "proof". The Paris Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre then called my business associates in Italy (Mr. and Mrs. Le Mardele) to tell them these lies, stir up trouble and try to get them to stop doing any business with me. They also asked (per Mrs. Le Mardele) if she had any "dirt" about Michael Pattinson that they could use against me in Paris.

Does this organization still look like a "church" to anyone reading this?

The friends who received this "special briefing" at the Celebrity Centre were then asked to write ethics violation reports on me on the basis of what they had been told in the "briefing", so these could be sent to the Freewinds to really cause trouble for me in the C. of S. . I asked for copies of these reports from the person doing these actions (Olivia Pilo) but my request was refused, which is contrary to Hubbard writings. I was, yes still, in good standing with the Church of Scientology, yet the church in Paris was actively seeking to destroy my good name and repute. This was in summer of 1993.

The cost in terMs. of money, stress and pain and suffering (mentally, emotionally, socially and financially) were enormous! The malpractice of even basic Scientology by the Paris Celebrity Centre was vast and highly damaging. These OSA-related attacks were orchestrated to ruin my life totally. Due to the overwhelming expenses incurred, the time and effort needed just to "stay alive" within Scientology, I was unable to pay my rent in Paris, and other debts incurred (well over a hundred thousand dollars) were not able to be repaid under those circumstances, even though I really wanted to. I had a debt to a Mr. Michel Revealer who had lent me about $26,000. I had already paid back about $6,000 but then the attacks ruined my income and production so much that I could not pay back more. This is the debt that "religious freedom watch" on the internet now claiMs. I "refused to pay back"...more lies.

It was so hostile in Paris, due to the C. of S. . attacks on me that I had to move out (I lost everything I had there that I had earned and my furniture, credit and friends). I decided to move to Mexico City to get away from the French C. of S. .' hostility and attacks.

It was very very hard to get back on my feet again as I had no money, no home, no way of earning a living in Mexico at first. It was a lesson in facing total poverty in a new country. With a little and timely help from a few good friends in Mexico I started my career again from scratch, and earned enough to remain alive, but not much more. In December 1993, in the relative safety of Mexico I wrote a request to the C. of S. . for a Board of Review to correct matters. No response. New request written in March 1994. No result.

With the main purpose of getting a full resolution of this matter I came to Clearwater, Florida. The Flag Land Base, I thought, would be a good place to get things solved and squared away. I had seen that "standard tech and policy is infallible" since 1973, so was determined to get it applied at the "Mecca of Technical Perfection" to a full resolution. I was simply unaware of the covert but concerted OSA attack on me and that I was asking those who were attacking me to help me as their friend. I was, after all, a loyal member since 1973, and an OT8! They were, in fact, my biggest enemies, by their own decisions and behaviors. I was naive and brainwashed to the point of trusting in my attackers to turn their wrath away from me. Such is the cult's indoctrination. Arnie Lerma refers to this as Scientology's "black box" and he is right. A Scientologist has no windows to light up the darkness of the cult's false propaganda. If many of those still, today, who are in Scientology ever got to know what I have found out they would collapse with the shock of being so manipulated and betrayed.

In July 1996 I got a result from a Board of Review done by the Religious Technology Centre. It cancelled the main false issues mentioned in this write-up. It stated that there had been injustice. It did not get seen, however, by more than a handful of people. It, specially, did not get sent, in French, to the friends of mine in Paris that would have needed to see what it said.

Mr and Mrs. Rosenberg had been at the Flag Land Base for many months in 1996, yet no part of this was resolved with them. My requests for financial restitution have met with indifference. The total cost in terms. of cash outlay, debts incurred, loss of income over 6 years, and the pain and suffering (mental) are now a very large amount in my estimation. I estimate the cost of fighting the injustice, alone, to be around $130,000.00 U.S.

As if the above was not already sufficient, there are some other events that took place at the Flag Land Base in 1996.

On June 19 1996, as part of a "handling", I was forcibly kept in a room at the Sandcastle, the office of Mr. Hy Levy, and I was not permitted to leave despite my asking to on several occasions. I was being held there against my will and being forced to pay $7,400 for more counseling that I did not want. After all that had already occurred since 1991 I was at the absolute end of my tether, and I became very, very upset indeed. I was panicked at being held in that small office and being forced to give over money I didn't have or being forced to borrow it at their suggestion. They insisted that I either use a credit card to pay and be released, or that I call my Mexican friend (Mrs. Maya) to get her to lend me the money. I tried to leave but both Mr. Levy and Mrs. "Cosima" blocked my exit through the door into the reception area in the Sandcastle (C. of S. .) Hotel. I cried out for help, but nobody responded. They sat me down again and resumed their demands for moneys, even forcibly invalidating my integrity, my desire to get out of there and the fact that I did NOT want the auditing.

As a note: In all of this trying to get correction of the injustices, etc, the attitude of the C. of S. . staff has been only that "all is my fault", and that there must be something wrong with me to have such things occur. This continued at this time(19 June 1996).

Anyway, the demands and the being held against my will continued for almost an hour. In the end I managed to trick them by going for one door, which they blocked, and rushing out of the opposite door and up onto Osceola Avenue. Both Cosima and Hy Levy chased me, running as far as my car when they could no longer hold onto me as I drove off. I was ashamed at getting upset, but I do not feel that this is O.K. to hold someone, demand money in order to be released, specially in the U.S.A. One big mistake I made in this incident (apart from being a Scientologist at all) was to write two faxes "apologizing for my upset" and covering for Hy and Cosima. I should not have tried to cover for their actions to save them from discipline.

During my visits to the Flag Land Base in Clearwater my contact had been Mary Voegeding, the President of the Flag Service Organization (now, as I later learned, married to OSA Clearwater director, Ben Shaw!). Later in 1996 she introduced me to Danny Keogh, the ex husband of Lisa-Marie Presley. As both were at the Flag Land Base, and Danny was doing some amends for the church, apparently. Mary got Danny to help me with some ethics handlings (as usual, with the foregone conclusion that I "must have done something to deserve everything that had happened to me that was bad"}. This was not a good basis of operation, specially in the light of the facts outlined in this report. Things were going well for a short time, as I managed to get things on track with Danny's help.

Freewinds OT painting done by Michael Pattinson in 1990. The original hung in Scientology's Sandcastle building in Clearwater until 1993, then they returned it to Michael as 'it no longer was appropriate'

Then, however, things went extremely wrong, as suddenly I was directed to go to see a person (a very senior "Security Officer" from the Religious Technology Centre called Mr. Marty Rathbun). I was escorted into a tiny room behind the Fort Harrison elevators area where The Religious Technology Centre has an office. I was sat down with Mr. Rathbun between me and the door. He instructed me to pick up the E-Meter electrodes and to answer his questions. It was not a counseling session, but a "security interview" with no obvious rules of conduct except that I had to answer his questions fully, and that if I didn't do so he would know because of what was occurring on the E-Meter. What then occurred, in this interrogation and another shortly thereafter was the greatest shock of my life.

To give a brief description, Mr. Rathbun questioned me about my religious beliefs very intensely. He had heard from Danny that I had become interested in a religious kind of activity (a Christian-related spiritual activity designed to show me more clearly who "I am"....remember the OT8 result?) and that I was enjoying it so much that I was speaking to my friends about it, and some of them were becoming interested in reading about it. They loved it! I had even gotten a few copies of its literature into a local (non-C. of S. .) bookstore.

According to Mr., Rathbun, however, I was committing a rather big crime of some kind by speaking about my religious beliefs or faith to other Scientologists. I was not, in fact, proselytizing as I was not trying to take anyone out of Scientology.

I was given to understand, indirectly but always in the same tone and direction of attention, that if I ever wanted to continue my route in Scientology, I would have to not only stop speaking about my chosen faith, but also that it would be necessary for me to give up that faith forever. I asked at least five times for the Hubbard reference which might dictate that, but Mr. Rathbun would never answer the question directly. He would only hedge around it and make me feel "stupid" for not immediately complying to his own point of view. In the end I had him describe what his viewpoint was that I was supposed to be so obediently complying with. He showed me the Hubbard reference "Keeping Scientology Working". There is a point there where ten actions are dictated to keep Scientology working. One of them is; "Getting the correct technology applied consists of .. hammering out of existence incorrect technology".

This was the only major reference he was working on to get me to give up my chosen faith. I pursued the matter with him, as I could not believe what he was intending. He certainly intended for me to give up my religious beliefs in order to continue in Scientology (RTC holds the clearances for those wanting to do further services, and can block anyone's progress at will). He intended to stop anyone else reading about the things I had read about. This was evidenced by the fact that, in the days following these "interviews" two personal visits from RTC and one from the C. of S. "Special Affairs Office" bullied the local bookstore owner (Mr. Virgil Wilhite) to stop carrying the books I had requested. He did not want to stop carrying them, as they are from a bona fide religious activity recognized by the U.S. Congress. However, enough pressure was brought to bear to intimidate him into sending the books back to the supplier. This was a direct attack by both the C. of S. . and the. Religious Technology Centre on another U.S. religion. These days they use "religious intolerance" as a slander of others while they are the ones most guilty of it.

In the "interviews" I pressed the point of having religious freedom as a Scientologist (both from Hubbard's writings and from the 1st Amendment of the U.S. Constitution) but Mr. Rathbun would have nothing of it. I asked him specifically whether the Shinto religion people (who had recently visited Flag as a group) would also have to give up their faith before RTC would allow them to continue in Scientology at some point. His response was that "it is not yet a problem" (or a question to be resolved), but his answer was that, indeed, anyone wanting to continue in Scientology would, at some point, to satisfy RTC on the point of "incorrect technology" have to abandon their religious faith and practice.

In Scientology NOTHING BUT HUBBARD IS EITHER TOLERABLE OR PERMITTED AS A BASIS FOR LIFE. If Scientology gets its way it would be the ONLY remaining "religion", and it is even fake in being that as it excludes God from daily life. Hubbard is Scientology's only God-like worshipped figurehead.

Mr Rathbun is a high official in the Religious Technology Center, and he has authority over many Scientologists. I had hoped that I had misunderstood his exact point, so I pressed the matter home until there could be no more doubt. So, the intention of the Religious Technology Center, according to Mr. Rathbun, is to systematically wipe out every other religion on this planet, follower by follower, by first getting them into Scientology without any hassle, let them get to a point of needing RTC approval before getting any more (higher level) counseling or training, and then telling them that they either give up their Faith or stop any further progress in Scientology. That was the message that he had to get over to me. The fact that the books were removed from a non-C. of S. . bookstore by RTC and C. of S. is a valid indicator of this as a very small example of a big problem. I wonder how many religious leaders world-wide know of this Intention to wipe out their Faiths?

I was so upset with this shocking attitude that I went home and ripped to pieces the photo of Hubbard I had on the wall. Next day I drove to Orlando just to get away from Clearwater and Flag land Base. When I returned I found Mary Voegeding, President of Flag Service Org and Danny Keough inside my apartment building. They had gained access by sneaking in through a side door and past another security door. I did not invite the up to my apartment as they were not welcome. I spoke to them for a while in the lobby area and then asked them to leave.

They merely wanted to make sure I would not cause a local public relations "flap". They were not interested in my well-being.

That last sentence would sum up all my experiences with Scientology.

By the end of 1996 I was on my way out, but not fully out, of Scientology and a year later I was fully OUT.

SOME OF WHAT I LEARNED AND SAW LATER WITH HINDSIGHT (PARTIAL LIST)

1.SCIENTOLOGY IS INTERESTED IN ITS OWN SURVIVAL AT ANY COST. INDIVIDUALS MAY ALWAYS BE SACRIFICED, EVEN WHEN FRIENDS, IF A PERCEIVED THREAT ARISES THAT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THEM.

2. OSA (DEPT 20 OF THE "CHURCH" OF SCIENTOLOGY) IS A WAR DEPARTMENT WITH HARMFUL AND TERRORISTIC TYPES OF ACTIVITIES, OPERATING COVERTLY AND OVERTLY AGAINST GROUPS AND INDIVIDUALS IN LANDS WHICH ARE AT PEACE, INCLUDING THE U.S.A., WITH FUNDING FROM THE "CHURCH" OF SCIENTOLOGY TO FANATICALLY FURTHER ITS AGENDAS AND DESTROY ANY AND ALL WHO MAY SLOW ITS PROGRESS.

3. THE TRUST I HAD PLACED IN SCIENTOLOGY WAS NOT MERITED.

4. THE REAL PERSONALITY OF THE GROUP IS THE OPPOSITE OF ITS STATED GOALS. IT CLAIMs. TO WANT TO ELIMINATE WAR, CRIMINALITY, HATE AND INSANITY YET USES THESE THINGS ON A DAILY BASIS. To give an analogy of this, it is as if Saddam Hussein says "I will only kill, oppress, murder, rob and torture people till I have no more enemies then I will turn around and be loving and kind to everyone". Just as one cannot get any sunshine out from deep within a cave, so one can not get peace, love, sanity or honesty from out the dark heart of Scientology.

(NOTE: Though I knew Lisa Mc Pherson in 1995 and was a good friend of hers I have excluded her and her employers from this posting till the trial is over, as I am a witness in the case involving her death at Flag.).

After the incident with Marty Rathbun I was put on a program to study ALL of LRH's writings about God, "Supreme Being", infinity... I was assisted by a staff member and we went through all of it in a very short time. There is such sparse Hubbard writing on God that it was not a long job. It amounted to a few short pages in total out of the huge Hubbard volumes and volumes of "Tech". He says almost nothing about God, as his focus was the "technology" and he was claiming himself as "Source". One of the greatest Hubbard revelations, seriously, about God, or the Infinite is that "the number 8, turned on its side, is the infinity symbol! Wow!!!! It simply confirmed to me that Scientology was NOT going to help me finding out "who I am"! The only beingness that was, apparently, permissible as a Scientologist was "slave to L. Ron Hubbard and Int. Management."

From December 1996 to May 1997 I stayed in Clearwater, Florida and did the best I could at coming to terms. with what was happening. I still did not realize that "Standard LRH Tech" would not only fail to solve the injustices and hardships I had been through since finishing OT8 but was the REASON for them! When I saw the OSA checksheet posted so recently by Caroline Letkeman I suddenly saw the missing piece of the puzzle.

I had been targeted for obliteration in 1991 and later by the standard LRH tech of OSA! This was the LRH tech of warfare. For me, I truly feel that this is tantamount to attempted murder.

I was being "handled" still, but on a less frequent basis by Mary Voegeding, who was also dealing with the celebrity visitors to Flag Land Base like Kirstie Alley, Lisa Marie Presley, etc. Mary had said she would try to get a resolution of the problems. I was having, but no result came. It turns out that she really only wanted to get data on how I was doing to see if I would be a public relations or legal threat. She later married Ben Shaw, head of OSA Clearwater. I had been wrong to trust her.

I was studying books I preferred to read (non-Scientology books) and was enjoying a very refreshing atmosphere away from the level of group contact I had had before the Rathbun "de-programming" attempt. I grew increasingly distant from Flag, from other Scientologists and from Mary Voegeding. In spring of 1997 I was watching a video of a recent Flag event in her office and realized that the spell was broken. Mr. Miscavige was no longer any kind of icon, idol or even impressive at his PR for me. He was making me want to throw up in disgust. I had written to him and asked him to resolve the whole injustice mess, but his reply was, basically, that he would not be disciplining any staff members on my account. From then on he was "gone" as a leader as far as I was concerned.

The last phone conversation I had with Mary Voegeding was in spring 1997 when she wanted me to come in for a "handling" on a failed ethics cycle (I was getting thoroughly sick of being blamed for the crimes and errors of staff members who were brainwashed into stupidity) and I refused. She then said to me that the recent "write-up" I had done as part of the ethics cycle "just might come out publicly". It was a form of blackmail, pure and simple. I hung up and decided to have nothing more to do with her. I just could NOT understand the anomalies I had been subjected to; nothing made sense in the light of the "internal" Scientology data and experiences I had had. It was dismaying.

I decided to take my life back into my own hands. I looked at my options and made some decisions, which, in retrospect, were excellent decisions. I decided to go to the Clearwater Police Department and file a complaint. I was well received, questioned for some hours (all recorded) and felt better. A few days later 2 police officers came to see me at my house to finish the questioning and complete their report. When they were leaving my apartment I said; "you have left something of yours on the couch"....a thick document. They just said, oh, that's not ours, it is yours...." Mystified, I went to see what it was, and it was a pile of photocopies of Bent Corydon's book "Bare-Faced Messiah". I thank them sincerely to this day for that! THANK YOU!! I read the whole book within 2 days! It was AMAZING. It answered so many questions I had had, and many more Scientology anomalies made sense!! I had been denied vital information on a HUGE scale while a Scientologist. I loved the book, loved the relief from the LIES I had been told while an active member and mentally thanked Bent Corydon (who I had known personally) from the bottom of my heart.

Clearwater was no longer a place of welcome for me with all the injustice, mess and confusion that the cult had thrust into my life. I wanted a nicer environment, so arranged to move to California. Los Angeles is where I wanted to be to further my career. I still maintained contact with some friends in Scientology and was still "hopeful" of some kind of resolution. I moved to Los Angeles in June of 1997. (P.S. no criminal case was enacted on my account in the end by the police department, mostly due to my mistake of covering for Hy and Cosima in my faxes).

I put my stuff in storage and stayed at a friend of a Florida friend's house (in a very tiny room) for a few months. We got along very well as she was a non-Scientologist and very friendly to me; a very nice lady. I was "amazed" that a "wog" could be actually doing well in life. That may seem really either funny or condescending, but it is true. In Scientology we were constantly taught that anyone NOT using Hubbard tech was doomed to failure and oblivion, so were virtually valueless as people unless they became Scientologists. it was one of many "eye-openers" I was to get.

---

WHAT I SAW, WHAT I LEARNED FROM HINDSIGHT.

1. Scientology did not care if I lived or died. When I stopped paying in money due to the financial chaos caused by OSA I was from that point a "non-entity" for staff gross income statistics. I was also asking for help, but not paying, so became a "nuisance". I was also writing negative reports about staff members who WERE STILL BRINGING IN MONIES so became a pariah. I was still actively gay after OT8, so became a huge and unwanted embarrassment.

2. I was targeted for obliteration by OSA.

3. The Police were a refuge from the chaos of the cult.

4. The books written by ex-members like Bent Corydon's "Bare-Faced Messiah", Jon Atack's "A Piece of Blue Sky" (superb!!), and the book; "L. Ron Hubbard: Messiah or Madman?" are very therapeutic for a member who is leaving the clutches of the cult. I enjoyed them immensely for the truths they give out to blast away the lies of OSA.

This is the final posting in this series of "My Story" from a new Scientologist to New OT8 and the out of Scientology, and more. Thanks to all of you who were sufficiently interested to learn about it all. It was "hell" on earth to submit to the cult's indoctrination, Fair Game tactics and heartlessness. It has certainly taught me to avoid the "cult" mentality and form of organization in the future. I still have a strong desire to be of service, in my own way now, though, and I want to help mankind do better and better, but in my own way and using my own inspirations and talents. I am now closer to God than ever before, and Life is my true friend. I have gained a lot of love, insight, depth of soul and freedom from reading and practicing non-cult spiritual or "New Age" Inspirational books and got more from them, by FAR than anything I ever got from Scientology.

For people who decide to finally leave Scientology...bravo!

In 1998 I was living in Long Beach and reading a.r.s. (newsgroup alt.religion.scientology) and seeing how many more than just myself had been harmed, killed, scammed and betrayed by Scientology's core management and founder. I made inquiries about a possible court case against them for what I had been put through. Frank Oliver put me in touch with Graham Berry, a lawyer from Santa Monica, of New Zealand origin.

I had barely even MET Graham before friends of mine, in Paris were already being called in to "disconnect" from me! Helena Hamer and Michel Cambray were just two examples; fascinating that the mere approach to litigation with Graham Berry drove OSA wild. I consulted with him and we agreed to file a lawsuit. I had a good job creating art for a major gallery chain in Tokyo, Beverly Hills, Paris and London. My income was sufficient to finance the lawsuit, so we thought. I wanted to get full, reasonable and merited compensation for all the abuses and frauds I wrote about in (MPES) 1-12.

I left all details and strategies to Graham, as I knew virtually nothing of litigation or such matters. He did his filing of the case in May 1998 in Los Angeles. Far from following normal litigation procedures and trying to win the case as defendants the OSA litigation mob and its clients used many Hubbard war tactics instead while pretending to follow the due process of the Courts.

To summarize, as I understand it from hindsight; (more may be added later)+1. In 1998 all 3 of Graham's partners in his law firm left precipitously (in a hurry) and had, apparently, been contacted by OSA beforehand. They left on bad terms. and lied to me, their client, about matters of some importance before doing so. It was very suspicious as a way of "doing business". It seemed to me that they had either been threatened or blackmailed from the manner in which they left so hurriedly.

2. The cult's lawyers then used the overwhelm of working alone to bury Graham under avalanches of litigation overload. This was a very heavy flow of demands for huge numbers of items, all of which would use up enormous amounts of time and money. This was used as a continuing tactic all the way through.

3. The lawyers for the cult defendants were constantly using personal character assassination attacks against Graham in very many filings.

4. The litigation cult lawyers did many other things (that have been included in requests for criminal complaints against Scientology sent to John Ashcroft) that were simply "Fair Game" personal attacks in both my, and Graham's, personal life and contacts. This involved, but was not limited to, some phone tapping, surveillance, private investigators, neighborhood disinformation tactics, alienation of staff and support or friends, cutting off of credit, income, assistance and counter-lawsuits which were frivolous. It also involved terror tactics (to scare her away from being my friend and supporter) and lies about the reality of my case in the Court) against a dear friend of mine, done by Eugene Ingram, a fired L.A. bad cop who does dirty work for Scientology.

5. By some tactic I do not know about, the cult lawyers got the judge to instruct that our "discovery" (giving of all my personal documents, depositions, financial records, personal letters, reports etc..) should be 100% complete before the cult defendants should give us anything at all! I gave all I had, they gave zero! I was not the one on trial, but they reversed the process. It seemed like a travesty of justice to me, but I am not trained in that field.

6. Graham Berry was also targeted, attacked personally over and over again and bankrupted by OSA. They then vehemently OPPOSED his bankruptcy proceedings to stick him in it for years. His efforts to represent me were destroyed. He had other issues than mine with OSA, from past litigation, but when he represented me he was crushed till he could go no further.

As far as I was concerned, the cult's litigation gang filed a lawsuit against me for non-repayment of a loan I had received from a public Scientologist (Michel Reveillere). Michael had lent me about $26,000 back in 1990-91. I had paid him back about $6,000 before OSA smashed all my income sources in France by 1992-93. I could no longer pay Michel back, but it was no "refusal". So, they accused me of defaulting on the loan. I had to give 2 days deposition, and had to give my employer's name and address as part of the proceedings. Suddenly, less than 10 days later I was "fired" by the gallery! I had a 100% sales record with them just prior, so the chances of that being "Fair Game " was very high indeed. In the Reveillere lawsuit scientology asked for a summary judgement, and it was granted by the judge. I didn't even have a chance to defend myself properly. Michel Reveillere was "awarded" $64,000.00 as loan plus compound interest. I could not pay it as I had lost my job, so was forced to declare bankruptcy. By 2000 I had to dismiss the case against Scientology, not because it had no merit, as it had tons of merit and the cult knew it. I had to dismiss it because I had no more funding. By that time I had lost my home, my bank account, credit, job, career as an artist, clients and case, pretty much all due to "Fair Game" tactics. Not only was the playing field not level, it was like a cliff face with Scientology's lawyers standing on a mountain of defrauded monies throwing heavy objects down on us below. They did not want to litigate the case as they knew they would lose it heavily; so they decided to destroy the plaintiff and his lawyer's personal lives to "win".

This is an interesting aspect; When I accepted the loan from Michel Reveillere he was a "public" scientologist in Paris. Later in the 1990s he joined staff in.....OSA! Scientology used this fact of him being a staff member of theirs to get him to file a lawsuit against me in the USA to get a huge money judgement and bankrupt me. The matter of personal debts in Scientology is very widespread. With weekly demands for monies from members it is a frequent practice to borrow from all over, and many go beyond what they can truly pay back. There were probably thousands of Scientologists who had personal debts outstanding, and many who were probably refusing to repay them. The cult's litigation mob was not taking up all those thousands of outstanding loans and filing lawsuits there. No, just mine, and were paying all Michel's legal costs from church funds, even though it was a PERSONAL loan. In addition, it was Michel's very own department (OSA) that had crashed my businesses in France! They were the ones who had PREVENTED Michel from getting paid back! I was already doing so at the time.

I had to go through about 9 days of deposition in the case I filed, all on video, with a battery of highly paid cult lawyers and assistants, some of whom bull-baited during the proceedings till I shut them up. It was a tough but interesting experience as I saw first hand how lawyers have gotten such an awful reputation for being dishonest, shifty, sly, cruel, devious and unjust.

I could observe also, first hand, how the US Justice system only allows the wealthy to get justice in fact. If you don't have enough money you can not fund the proceedings and, like in American elections, the one with the most money wins. This may seem delicious and rewarding to the greedy soul-less lawyers who have sold their integrity for a bucket of bucks, but it is a recipe for social disaster in the long run. even the smartest lawyer can not change the laws of karma. As they have sown so shall they reap, and this applies equally to the cult's lawyers as well as their criminal cult fraudster clients. SO BE IT.

Picture of Michael Pattinson taken on the Freewinds
Contact Michael Pattinson

postal mail:
Michael Pattinson
9663 Santa Monica Blvd #704
Beverly Hills, California 90210.

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"The litigants and their lawyers are supposed to want justice, but in reality , there is no justice, either in or out of court. In fact, the word can not be defined..in the last analysis, most jury trials are contests between the rich and the poor. Criminal cases, however, practically always have the poor on trial" Clarence Seward Darrow

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